SUPERLIST 2008: Jessica Simpson, aka "Yoko Romo"

Jessica Simpson, aka "Yoko Romo"
Monday Hangover SuperList
Class of 2007-2008

Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo, much like past Cowboys QBs, have their notable achilles heels. Troy Aikman was concussion prone, Drew Bledsoe was interception prone, and Quincy Carter was on crack. Tony's talent and charming looks garner the attention of popular female singers that ultimately lead to his demise on the football field.

Case in point from last year when Romo was dating country singer Carrie Underwood. While the relationship didn't last long, it lead to the infamous field goal mishandle by him and a quick exit against Seattle in the 2007 playoffs.

That was nothing compared to the soulcrushing experience of Jessica Simpson.

Romo and Simpson had started dating around November 2007 with Dallas as the top team in the NFC. Romo was also the starting QB for the Ridgeway Rockets, the fantasy football team of Monday Hangover co-writer Greg Reedy. Reedy's team found a way to make it to the championship game of his league and a potential payoff with knee-high trophy.

It was on Week 15, Dallas against Philadelphia, where Simpson was in the stands to root on her boy toy QB:
First let's note that she is wearing a pink sports jersey. While not across the board, a pink sports jersey is a marketing success but a fan displeasure. It's been documented of my hatred of pink sports jerseys, and it's fitting that this outfit plays an integtral part of the day's events.

Dallas went on to lose 10-6 against Philadelphia as Tony Romo threw 3 INTs and lost 2 Fumbles. Greg Reedy's fantasy team lost the championship game with his poor performance. He commented on this game with his NFC Recap:

"The most frustrating game of the year for me. There's one person to blame for me losing this week. Jessica Simpson. Simpson is now dating Tony Romo and decided that this week would be the first game that she would watch him play. Romo was obviously nervous and played the worst game possibly ever. If he had played even a decent game, I'd probably win. Jessica Simpson probably doesn't even know what fantasy football is."

The Dallas fans were not happy with her appearance and the sports world was enamoured over the "Jessica Jinx" that knocked Dallas out of Home Field Advantage in the playoffs. Cowboys WR Terrell Owens, proving that no NFL story is relevant without TO's opinion, told her to back off his man. Even on Romo's weekly Dallas sports radio show the co-host commented that Ashlee Simpson looked hotter. Personally I wouldn't touch either even if Nick Lachey was holding the pole.

Simpson understood that her public appearance deterred from her boyfriend's performance, thus refrained from attending further Cowboys games, including the divisional playoff game against the New York Giants. However with the team's permission, Romo and Simpson attended a romantic getaway in Cabo, Mexico leading to more ridicule from the sports world.

Romo proceeded to make a quick exit from the playoffs against the Giants with his final pass intercepted and an offseason with a high maintenance popstar actress. She had suggested having Romo sing a duet with her on her upcoming "country themed" album, which would no doubt bomb considering the only musical experience Tony's had was singing Journey with Mr. Belding from Saved by the Bell.

The final chapter of this trainwreck saga involved Tony asking Jessica to accompany him to a hunting trip as punishment for the unwanted attention and tooling out. She refused, and also refused to move from Hollywood while Romo refused to move as well. Realizing a smart QB decision when he makes one, Romo ceremoniously dumped her this past week.

Jessica Simpson, your boots are made for walking. So walk your pink jerseyed-ass out of our football discussions.

As for Romo, his new bachelor status will be kept in clean condition until a new pop singer/actress gets his attention and an early start to golfing.

Hey, I heard Amy Winehouse is available these days. Ya never know!

Monday Hangover Radio Show Season 2 - Episode #8

On the 2007 Season Finale of the Monday Hangover Radio Show:

1) Week 17 AFC/NFC Recaps
2) Playoff Predictions
3) Interview with Myron Cope
4) Nominees for the MH SuperList
5) Inaugural inductions to the MH SuperList

Episode #8 - Monday Hangover Radio Show (23:44)

Comments? Questions? Complaints? Post a comment!

Week 16 AFC Recap

Gary Ashley
My girlfriend doesn't wear pink jerseys at home games

Miami at New England - Miami is currently the hottest 1-13 team in the league with a 1 game winning streak, naturally to end this week against the Cobra Kai of the NFL, the #1 draft pick and Coach Bill Parcells for next season. Cam Cam, it was fun for us while it lasted. Tom Brady at the Pats got one step closer to the top of the $25,000 Pyramid with a win that was already over by the 1st half, yet Brady still found time to be gay I mean throw 2 INTs just to tease the Dolphins with a comeback. With the apperent good news for Miami that the season is almost over, Joey Porter looked to increase his trade value with 4 tackles, 2 sacks, and 1 forced fumble in this game. Patriots aim for 16-0 against the Giants in a game no one will see on the NFL Network this Thursday. YOUR FINAL: Warm Champagne 28, Jack Spanky's Pop Warner Dolphins 7

Oakland at Jacksonville - We could very well consider this game a game of almosts: Almost a Jacksonville Quad-14, almost a 50-steak, almost assault charges for Warren Sapp's 3 unsportsmanlike calls and following ejection, and almost a close game for Oakland standards. JaMarcu$ Ru$$ell got the late season start and held out for a rookie statline of 7/23 for 83 yards, 1 TD, and 3 INTs. Maybe if he showed up to camp back in August with everyone at the same time. Jacksonville's running game could be the only thing that can stop the Patriots in the playoffs, and voltroned with Manning and Madden's 3rd chin could be the Ultraman we need. Ok way too many Japanglish references there. YOUR FINAL: JAX Ground 49, Warren Sapp's Tampa Bay Sandy Mangina 11


Cleveland at Cincy - Steelers already played and won on Thursday as we were treated to Bryant Gumbel being muted for Hilgrove and Tunch. Where is your emmy now? Should Cincy win this game, then the Steelers would win the AFC North and clinch a playoff spot while Cleveland would still have to fight for a wild card spot. While this wasn't the absurd pointsfest like it was earlier in the season, it proves that when Ohio plays, crazy things happen. Cleveland's Derek "HORSE BALLS!" Anderson threw 4 INTs while Carson *Sanford and Son* Palmer added 2 INTs of his own. Cleveland must have the Titans lose next week to make the playoffs. Chad Johnson will get fined next week in a stunt involving a shark tank and Ronnie Kineval. YOUR FINAL: "Cincy played like 3 years ago" 19, "Cleveland played like 3 years ago" 14

THE LIST

1) NFL Network (NFL) - Most cable subscribers in the nation won't get the Patriots 16-0 game - However, CBS and NBC will be carrying the Saturday night game. Eat it, Eisen.

2) Eli Manning (NYJ) - 7/15 for 111 yards, 2 INTs, 5 fumbles (2 lost) - Might want to test out that second sport now, Bucco.

3) Jon Ryan (GB) - fumbled snap, 2 blocked punts, 9 yard shank punt - YOU'RE KILLING ME, SMALLS'S COUSIN!!

4) Brodie Croyle - 9/12 for 69 yards, 1 INT returned for TD, injured - You got injured on a dive/tackle. WOOP!

5) Tie - Jamarcu$ Ru$$ell (OAK) - 7/23 for 83 yards, 1 TD, 3 INTs - Warren Sapp (OAK) - Ejected following 3 Unsportsmanlike Conduct penalties - Oakland's getting back to the MH limelight like last year.

Week 15 AFC Recap (finally)

Gary Ashley
Your Own Personal Santa Claus

No List, let's hurry.

Baltimore at Miami - Leave it up to the most incompetent team in the NFL to blow two perfect seasons against New England and now giving Miami their first win. The '72 Dolphins were honored at halftime and Don Shula coached the second half. Baltimore is dead to me. YOUR FINAL: '76 Bucs Champagne Corks 22, Billick's Pink Slip 16

New England at NY Jets - Boring. Chad Pennington returned, it didn't matter, Patriots would be 15-1 thanks to Baltimore. But that simply didn't happen. YOUR FINAL: Bill's Hoody 20, JVC 10

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh - If there's one thing we've learned from this game is that Jacksonville's got a pretty good ground game, better than FedEx. Pittsburgh receives their first home loss of the season and unfortunately keeps Cleveland close in the division race. YOUR FINAL: Crazy Cats 29, Sophie Maslov 22

Week 15 NFC review

By Greg Reedy
NFC distraction

So anyways, we had our championship this week and the team lost 74-71 in the fantasy world of football. Ranting to follow.

Atlanta - Tampa Bay - So anyways, I'm pretty sure the Falcons and whoever the coach is right now didn't show up. Tampa got a couple defensive touchdowns and meanwhile they forgot that Rocket starting wide receiver Joey Galloway needed to have a good game for me this week. This was the game that Fox switched to a good game in the fourth. Tampa Bay Defense 38, Atlanta High School 7

Green Bay - St. Louis - Both running backs for me were in this game. Ryan Grant for GB had a decent game and Steven Jackson for the Rams had actually a pretty good game. Brett Favre broke the record for all-time passing yards and John Madden drooled about it. Packers a lot, Rams not so much.


Philly - Dallas - The most frustrating game of the year for me. There's one person to blame for me losing this week. Jessica Simpson. Simpson is now dating Tony Romo and decided that this week would be the first game that she would watch him play. Romo was obviously nervous and played the wrost game possibly ever. If he had played even a decent game, I probably win. Jessica Simpson probably doesn't even know what fantasy football is. The real game was pretty boring. Eagles 10, Cowboys 6

Week 15 Picks

Quick news and notes from this week in the NFL:

NFL CRIMETIME!
Convicted: Michael Vick, 23 months for the most obvious reasons as you may have heard by now. He probably won't be playing football in prison or be the backup QB for Burt Reynolds against the guards. (Every media outlet you can think of)

Cited: Denver Broncos punter/kicker Todd Sauerbrun for intoxication and punching a cab driver. He was held overnight in a cell for detox and played Thursday against Houston. Whether or not without the hangover, either. (Denver Post)

The Birds Gets Flipped: Former Atlanta Falcons Head Coach Bobby Petrino has quit the team with 3 weeks left in the season and has signed with Arkansas for the head coach position at that school. He wrote a letter to all players instead of meeting with them in person, which has drawn the ire of teammates and the general sports media. At least Cam Cam's going to last an entire season. (Sports by Brooks)

The 42 year plan: 42 years ago Joe Namath left Alabama 15 credits shy of a degree to become a Super Bowl winning QB and kissing Suzy Kolber on ESPN. Fast forward to today and he will graduate with a BA from 'Bama. Depending on the job market Namath, much like most recent college graduates, will have a tough time getting his first job out of college.

CIDNKILF: Comedian I Do Not Know I'd Like to F***: 46 year old Comedian Lisa Lampenelli claims to have had sexual relations with a member of the Chicago Bears in Philadelphia in October. As much as I'd like to continue about this story, I can't think of anything funny for it.

Deadspin just crapped themselves: Bears QB/Alcoholic/Neckbeard Kyle Orton will be starting at QB this Monday against the Vikings. Sexy Rexy and Griese Lightning will have to wait as the Deadspin HOF member, known primarily for his candid drunken photography, will lead the team to a sure loss and a spot on The List this week.

Week 15 Picks

Gary Says:

Baltimore at Miami - Baltimore, but given the Ravens incompetency lately, this could be Miami's first win and another streak messed up on the season.

NY Jets at New England - SpyGate 2, which is going to be about as good as Spy Kids 2. New England by 300 points.

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh - Pittsburgh by 10.

Reedy's Fantasy Football team is in the championships this weekend, thus he's picked games with his team starters.

Reedy Says:

Green Bay at St. Louis - Rams RB Stephen Jackson starting
Philadelphia at Dallas - Cowboys QB Tony Romo starting
Atlanta at Tampa Bay - The Post-Bobby Petrino Era starts this week

Week 14 AFC Recap

Gary Ashley
Pissed at Christmas

Miami at Buffalo - The sign that your team is gonna be 0-16 this year is when a Buffalo QB throws 4 TDs in one game. Another sure sign is when your starting QB throws 1/2 for 6 yards, Sacked 3 times, and a fumble returned for a TD. Another definite sign is when you turn the ball over 5 times in a game and fumble a total of 8 times with only 3 being a loss of posession. Another sure sign is when the alumni of the last undefeated season gets cranky at the threat of New England beating them, only the same thing occurs with the 1976 Bucs. The Miami Dolphins should have an asterisk next to their record because they only lost 6 games by 3 points or less and they played on a horrible field against the Steelers. YOUR FINAL: Jim Kelly 38, "Ace Ventura Gave Up, Dan" 17

Pittsburgh at New England - sniff...sniff sniff...eww...what's that smell coming from the Steelers backup players bench? Is that Anthony Smith? And he reeks of...sniff sniff...ICY HOT! Yes the one man you can blame for making a false guarantee is the reason why the Patriots are going undefeated this season and the reason why the Steelers lost...oh, and why he gave up 14 points on two TD passes also. It was a case for the Steelers of being outplayed and having a mouthy backup Safety on your team who will no doubt be traded to the Dolphins next season. Patriots will close out the season playing the NY Jets, Miami, and the NY Giants. Don Shula is a sad panda. YOUR FINAL: 7th Gate of Hell Opening 34, Let's Give Anthony Smith "The Maddox" 13

Indianapolis at Baltimore - There was a time seven weeks ago when the Ravens were 4-2. This was before they caught Type A Fumblitis. Kyle Boller, in for the injured Steve McNair who needed snow tires and an oil change, threw 19/25 for 1 TD and 3 INTs while Peyton Manning posted 4 passing TDs and a game that was over by the 1st quarter. We then were treated to Madden's 4th quarter Christmas shopping stories. Is this writer's strike over yet? Baltimore plays winless Miami next week in what could be Miami's best chance to get The Uno. Indy will have to wait till the playoffs to extract revenge on New England. YOUR FINAL: Peyton's Pep Talk 44, The Reason Why the Colts Left Baltimore 20

THE LIST

1) Anthony Smith (PIT) - Guranteed victory over New England, lost, got burnt on 2 Patriots TDs - Art Rooney would put his cigar out in your eye if he had the chance.

2) Miami - 8 total fumbles (5 recovered, 3 lost), 2 INTs - Seriously, is the gym teacher gonna clamp down on this team for lack of effort? Up on A Section.

3) Vinny Testaverde (CAR) - 13/28 for 84 yards, 1 INT returned for TD

4) The Infrequented Backups - Billy Volek (SD) - 0/2, 1 INT; Kerry Collins (TEN) - 1/3 for -2 yards; Andrew Walter (OAK) - 5/8 for 38 yards - I thought Andy Walter was still playing in NFL Europa. Great to see last year's MVP Lister get in the game.


Heisman....Oh wait, Tim Tebow's a Sophmore!? AWWW CRAP! MIAMI'S SCREWED NEXT YEAR! We got to rename this now:

"Best Ohio State Draft Pick" Watch:

1) Miami 0-13
2) Atlanta, NY Jets, San Francisco, St. Louis 3-10

Week 14 NFC Review

By Greg Reedy
NFC Fantasy Football Guy

Let's do this like Brutus.

Eagles-Giants - In the token 1 p.m. Fox regional games, we saw the Eagles nearly pull out the Pepto-Bismol and the upset at the same time. Unfortunately, the Eagles have now forgotted how to win and Eagles fans have not forgotten how to boo. Meanwhile, the Giants are now 9-4 and Keith Olbermann just used the same catch phrase for the 24th time this year. How is he on TV? Oh right, it's NBC. They're trying to be funny. Giants 16, Eagles 13

Cowboys-Lions - Tony Romo is the man. After being down by a score of 27-14, Romo came back with 2 touchdowns in the fourth to rally the Boys against the Kitty Kats and a team that apparently does not know they are allowed to beat a quality team. That's five, FIVE straight losses and the Garfields look finished this year. At least the Kittens don't have to wear the black unis again this year. Way to go. Romos 28, Kitnas 27

Raiders-Packers - Cold, Cold, Cold. No this doesn't describe the frozen tundra or Angela Martin's personality on the Office (Wait, I forgot that show. Do they still make new episodes? Oh right, the writers think they are underpaid!), it means Oakland's offense. Two return touchdowns by the same guy and another one called back from Atari Bigby. We even had an Andrew Walter sighting. Good golly. Cheese 38, Whine 7

Earlier this season, one certain AFC expert made fun of me and my fantasy football team. Well, I have decided to put up this poster and silence the critics.