Week 16 AFC Recap
Gary Ashley
My girlfriend doesn't wear pink jerseys at home games
Miami at New England - Miami is currently the hottest 1-13 team in the league with a 1 game winning streak, naturally to end this week against the Cobra Kai of the NFL, the #1 draft pick and Coach Bill Parcells for next season. Cam Cam, it was fun for us while it lasted. Tom Brady at the Pats got one step closer to the top of the $25,000 Pyramid with a win that was already over by the 1st half, yet Brady still found time to be gay I mean throw 2 INTs just to tease the Dolphins with a comeback. With the apperent good news for Miami that the season is almost over, Joey Porter looked to increase his trade value with 4 tackles, 2 sacks, and 1 forced fumble in this game. Patriots aim for 16-0 against the Giants in a game no one will see on the NFL Network this Thursday. YOUR FINAL: Warm Champagne 28, Jack Spanky's Pop Warner Dolphins 7
Oakland at Jacksonville - We could very well consider this game a game of almosts: Almost a Jacksonville Quad-14, almost a 50-steak, almost assault charges for Warren Sapp's 3 unsportsmanlike calls and following ejection, and almost a close game for Oakland standards. JaMarcu$ Ru$$ell got the late season start and held out for a rookie statline of 7/23 for 83 yards, 1 TD, and 3 INTs. Maybe if he showed up to camp back in August with everyone at the same time. Jacksonville's running game could be the only thing that can stop the Patriots in the playoffs, and voltroned with Manning and Madden's 3rd chin could be the Ultraman we need. Ok way too many Japanglish references there. YOUR FINAL: JAX Ground 49, Warren Sapp's Tampa Bay Sandy Mangina 11
Cleveland at Cincy - Steelers already played and won on Thursday as we were treated to Bryant Gumbel being muted for Hilgrove and Tunch. Where is your emmy now? Should Cincy win this game, then the Steelers would win the AFC North and clinch a playoff spot while Cleveland would still have to fight for a wild card spot. While this wasn't the absurd pointsfest like it was earlier in the season, it proves that when Ohio plays, crazy things happen. Cleveland's Derek "HORSE BALLS!" Anderson threw 4 INTs while Carson *Sanford and Son* Palmer added 2 INTs of his own. Cleveland must have the Titans lose next week to make the playoffs. Chad Johnson will get fined next week in a stunt involving a shark tank and Ronnie Kineval. YOUR FINAL: "Cincy played like 3 years ago" 19, "Cleveland played like 3 years ago" 14
THE LIST
1) NFL Network (NFL) - Most cable subscribers in the nation won't get the Patriots 16-0 game - However, CBS and NBC will be carrying the Saturday night game. Eat it, Eisen.
2) Eli Manning (NYJ) - 7/15 for 111 yards, 2 INTs, 5 fumbles (2 lost) - Might want to test out that second sport now, Bucco.
3) Jon Ryan (GB) - fumbled snap, 2 blocked punts, 9 yard shank punt - YOU'RE KILLING ME, SMALLS'S COUSIN!!
4) Brodie Croyle - 9/12 for 69 yards, 1 INT returned for TD, injured - You got injured on a dive/tackle. WOOP!
5) Tie - Jamarcu$ Ru$$ell (OAK) - 7/23 for 83 yards, 1 TD, 3 INTs - Warren Sapp (OAK) - Ejected following 3 Unsportsmanlike Conduct penalties - Oakland's getting back to the MH limelight like last year.
My girlfriend doesn't wear pink jerseys at home games
Miami at New England - Miami is currently the hottest 1-13 team in the league with a 1 game winning streak, naturally to end this week against the Cobra Kai of the NFL, the #1 draft pick and Coach Bill Parcells for next season. Cam Cam, it was fun for us while it lasted. Tom Brady at the Pats got one step closer to the top of the $25,000 Pyramid with a win that was already over by the 1st half, yet Brady still found time to be gay I mean throw 2 INTs just to tease the Dolphins with a comeback. With the apperent good news for Miami that the season is almost over, Joey Porter looked to increase his trade value with 4 tackles, 2 sacks, and 1 forced fumble in this game. Patriots aim for 16-0 against the Giants in a game no one will see on the NFL Network this Thursday. YOUR FINAL: Warm Champagne 28, Jack Spanky's Pop Warner Dolphins 7
Oakland at Jacksonville - We could very well consider this game a game of almosts: Almost a Jacksonville Quad-14, almost a 50-steak, almost assault charges for Warren Sapp's 3 unsportsmanlike calls and following ejection, and almost a close game for Oakland standards. JaMarcu$ Ru$$ell got the late season start and held out for a rookie statline of 7/23 for 83 yards, 1 TD, and 3 INTs. Maybe if he showed up to camp back in August with everyone at the same time. Jacksonville's running game could be the only thing that can stop the Patriots in the playoffs, and voltroned with Manning and Madden's 3rd chin could be the Ultraman we need. Ok way too many Japanglish references there. YOUR FINAL: JAX Ground 49, Warren Sapp's Tampa Bay Sandy Mangina 11
Cleveland at Cincy - Steelers already played and won on Thursday as we were treated to Bryant Gumbel being muted for Hilgrove and Tunch. Where is your emmy now? Should Cincy win this game, then the Steelers would win the AFC North and clinch a playoff spot while Cleveland would still have to fight for a wild card spot. While this wasn't the absurd pointsfest like it was earlier in the season, it proves that when Ohio plays, crazy things happen. Cleveland's Derek "HORSE BALLS!" Anderson threw 4 INTs while Carson *Sanford and Son* Palmer added 2 INTs of his own. Cleveland must have the Titans lose next week to make the playoffs. Chad Johnson will get fined next week in a stunt involving a shark tank and Ronnie Kineval. YOUR FINAL: "Cincy played like 3 years ago" 19, "Cleveland played like 3 years ago" 14
THE LIST
1) NFL Network (NFL) - Most cable subscribers in the nation won't get the Patriots 16-0 game - However, CBS and NBC will be carrying the Saturday night game. Eat it, Eisen.
2) Eli Manning (NYJ) - 7/15 for 111 yards, 2 INTs, 5 fumbles (2 lost) - Might want to test out that second sport now, Bucco.
3) Jon Ryan (GB) - fumbled snap, 2 blocked punts, 9 yard shank punt - YOU'RE KILLING ME, SMALLS'S COUSIN!!
4) Brodie Croyle - 9/12 for 69 yards, 1 INT returned for TD, injured - You got injured on a dive/tackle. WOOP!
5) Tie - Jamarcu$ Ru$$ell (OAK) - 7/23 for 83 yards, 1 TD, 3 INTs - Warren Sapp (OAK) - Ejected following 3 Unsportsmanlike Conduct penalties - Oakland's getting back to the MH limelight like last year.
posted by Gary at
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