Week 13 AFC Recap
Gary Ashley
The Best and Worst Conference
NY Jets at Miami - The #1 and #2 draft picks for next April faced off this week who would win: angry NY sports bloggers, or Cam Cam's Pop Warner (not Kurt Warner) Football League. If you said "Angry NY Sports Bloggers by a lot of points," then prepare to Digg it, Fark it, or note that it's Something Awful. Miami Rookie QB John Beck literally handed the Jets the game, going 23/39 for 177 yards, 3 INTs, and 2 lost fumbles. Not since Brett Favre in his kindasorta-retirement year has that many turnovers been issued. Dolphins DB "The Mouth of South Florida" Joey Porter had the best game all season with 1 Sack and 1 INT, but you're team still lost by a large amount and is running away with the Heisman draft pick. Cam Cam took the team to Pizza Hut afterwards. YOUR FINAL: New York Titanics 40, Heisman Pose 13
Jacksonville at Indianapolis - At this time last season Jacksonville came into Indy to prove that Indy's run defense needed massive improvement. Putting up near 150 yards total rushing against the Colts wasn't bad, but not as much as last year's blowout. Tony Dungy was the winner of the "Buy 2, Get 1 Free" deal for play challenges, reversing two fumble calls in favor of the Colts. Jacksonville QB David Gerrard threw his first INT in over 200 passes, then again no one outside of cable sports picked up on that stat or that Jacksonville still has a football team. Jacksonville coach Jack Del Rio de Janeiro made the wrong call opting to kick it deep and hope his defense would stop the Colts offense. You can't stop Peyton Manning, nor hope to contain him. Colts take sole posession of the AFC South, and then later soul posession of Tom Brady at a later time. YOUR FINAL: Peyton's Trippy Hotel Hallway Funhouse 28, Maurice Navidad 25
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh - To answer your first question, the field was fine. To answer your second question, yes Chad Johnson still hasn't scored a passing TD at Heinz Field. Pittsburgh didn't have as smooth of a game with 4 turnovers, 2 from RB Willie Parker fumbles and 2 INTs from Ben Roethlisberger. Parker needs treated at UPMC for fumbulitis. We've concluded that Al Michaels hates Pittsburgh solely on the basis of the Primanti's sandwich in which he botched the pronunciation once more and refused to comment on whether or not he would eat such a thing. Madden however ordered 5 at halftime. Speaking of halftime, the greatest moment in the history of Sunday Night Football came at halftime when they showed Jerome Bettis entering a Steelers-friendly bar in New York to a massive reaction. Meanwhile, former Bengal/doucherocket Cris Collinsworth was shown at a "Bengals Bar" reading the newspaper with little noise made. Dude. You just got Jer0wn3d. Steelers pick up the win and eliminate the Bengals from the playoffs. Or was that earlier? YOUR FINAL: Jer0wnEd Bettis 24, Collinsworth sucks regardless of what network he's on 10
THE LIST
1) John Beck (MIA) - 23/39 for 177 yards, 3 INTs, 2 Fumbles - Let's hope they draft a QB...
2) Baltimore Ravens - 3 easy opportunities to give New England their first loss of the season on Monday night, but messed up and lost - The teenager who's always high that works at McDonalds is more competent that this entire team. I hate them with equal amounts as Tom Brady.
3) Joey Harrington (ATL) - 17/34 for 184 yards, 1 INT, pulled in 4th quarter - In the words of Reedy, "He got pulled for Chris Freaking Redman!"
4) Jay Cutler (DEN) - 16/32 for 214 yards, 2 INTs - Thanks to him and this drubbing, we got to see Jamarcus play and see if that holdout was worth it.
5) Tyler Thigpen (KC) - 2/6 for 41 yards, 1 INT - who?
Honorable Mentions: San Francisco's 6 turnovers, A.J. Feeley's 4 INTs
Race for the Heisman (Draft Pick)
4 Games Remaining
Miami 0-12
Atlanta, NY Jets, San Francisco, St. Louis 3-9
Baltimore, Cincinnati, Kansas City, Oakland 4-8
The Best and Worst Conference
NY Jets at Miami - The #1 and #2 draft picks for next April faced off this week who would win: angry NY sports bloggers, or Cam Cam's Pop Warner (not Kurt Warner) Football League. If you said "Angry NY Sports Bloggers by a lot of points," then prepare to Digg it, Fark it, or note that it's Something Awful. Miami Rookie QB John Beck literally handed the Jets the game, going 23/39 for 177 yards, 3 INTs, and 2 lost fumbles. Not since Brett Favre in his kindasorta-retirement year has that many turnovers been issued. Dolphins DB "The Mouth of South Florida" Joey Porter had the best game all season with 1 Sack and 1 INT, but you're team still lost by a large amount and is running away with the Heisman draft pick. Cam Cam took the team to Pizza Hut afterwards. YOUR FINAL: New York Titanics 40, Heisman Pose 13
Jacksonville at Indianapolis - At this time last season Jacksonville came into Indy to prove that Indy's run defense needed massive improvement. Putting up near 150 yards total rushing against the Colts wasn't bad, but not as much as last year's blowout. Tony Dungy was the winner of the "Buy 2, Get 1 Free" deal for play challenges, reversing two fumble calls in favor of the Colts. Jacksonville QB David Gerrard threw his first INT in over 200 passes, then again no one outside of cable sports picked up on that stat or that Jacksonville still has a football team. Jacksonville coach Jack Del Rio de Janeiro made the wrong call opting to kick it deep and hope his defense would stop the Colts offense. You can't stop Peyton Manning, nor hope to contain him. Colts take sole posession of the AFC South, and then later soul posession of Tom Brady at a later time. YOUR FINAL: Peyton's Trippy Hotel Hallway Funhouse 28, Maurice Navidad 25
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh - To answer your first question, the field was fine. To answer your second question, yes Chad Johnson still hasn't scored a passing TD at Heinz Field. Pittsburgh didn't have as smooth of a game with 4 turnovers, 2 from RB Willie Parker fumbles and 2 INTs from Ben Roethlisberger. Parker needs treated at UPMC for fumbulitis. We've concluded that Al Michaels hates Pittsburgh solely on the basis of the Primanti's sandwich in which he botched the pronunciation once more and refused to comment on whether or not he would eat such a thing. Madden however ordered 5 at halftime. Speaking of halftime, the greatest moment in the history of Sunday Night Football came at halftime when they showed Jerome Bettis entering a Steelers-friendly bar in New York to a massive reaction. Meanwhile, former Bengal/doucherocket Cris Collinsworth was shown at a "Bengals Bar" reading the newspaper with little noise made. Dude. You just got Jer0wn3d. Steelers pick up the win and eliminate the Bengals from the playoffs. Or was that earlier? YOUR FINAL: Jer0wnEd Bettis 24, Collinsworth sucks regardless of what network he's on 10
THE LIST
1) John Beck (MIA) - 23/39 for 177 yards, 3 INTs, 2 Fumbles - Let's hope they draft a QB...
2) Baltimore Ravens - 3 easy opportunities to give New England their first loss of the season on Monday night, but messed up and lost - The teenager who's always high that works at McDonalds is more competent that this entire team. I hate them with equal amounts as Tom Brady.
3) Joey Harrington (ATL) - 17/34 for 184 yards, 1 INT, pulled in 4th quarter - In the words of Reedy, "He got pulled for Chris Freaking Redman!"
4) Jay Cutler (DEN) - 16/32 for 214 yards, 2 INTs - Thanks to him and this drubbing, we got to see Jamarcus play and see if that holdout was worth it.
5) Tyler Thigpen (KC) - 2/6 for 41 yards, 1 INT - who?
Honorable Mentions: San Francisco's 6 turnovers, A.J. Feeley's 4 INTs
Race for the Heisman (Draft Pick)
4 Games Remaining
Miami 0-12
Atlanta, NY Jets, San Francisco, St. Louis 3-9
Baltimore, Cincinnati, Kansas City, Oakland 4-8
posted by Gary at
6:23 PM
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