The Reedman's Completely Biased NFC Preview
Hello, once again. My name is Greg Reedy and I’m a reporter at the Ridgway Record having a fun and crazy time. First off, I have to thank the Hangover for assigning me to the NFC, the conference generally now regarded as the West Shamokin compared to the AFC’s Kittanning. So I really appreciate having to savor all those teams. Notice also that most of the teams Western PAers hate are in the NFC. 49ers. Cowboys. Eagles. That will make it fun. Even though I will be looking at the NFC this year, I feel obligated to do a complete and useless league preview of all 32 teams with uninteresting factoids and quirks. What time is it? Chamillionaire says it’s “Grind Time.”
NFC East
Dallas Cowboys – The team everyone loves to hate except for certain people I knew in high school hahaha. With T.O. now in Dallas, will he now be eating Tuna or will he behave? And just look what will happen if T.O. doesn’t get the ball 13 times a game. I have my own theory. T.O. will bury Drew Bledsoe’s feet in cement so he can’t move around in the pocket….Wait that already happened? So that’s why Bledsoe can’t move around? Wow who would have thunk it? Over-Under on first Bledsoe/TO sideline blowup: Week 5. 2006: 10-6
Philly Eagles – Hey, McNabb’s finally not injured anymore! Too bad he doesn’t have something called receivers or a running game. They do have Brian Westbrook, but you have to run the ball for him to be effective. I also heard Hank Fraley may be getting cut soon. Way to go, RMU.
2006: 7-9
New York Giants: THE G MEN! Now it’s time to see if Eli Manning can break the family playoff curse after getting pasted and lambasted against Carolina. Let’s also see if Tom Coughlin will let the players do anything. At all. Having Coughlin as coach is like having Curren as your principal. Without the child porno. Whew. I think Jay Feely is back again too, don’t attempt any field goals. 2006: 9-7
Washington Redskins: What will Clinton Portis wear next? This trendy fantasy pick will do anything with his wardrobe for attention. Too bad the players at skill positions are older than dirt.
2006: 8-8
NFC South
Atlanta Falcons: Another year of the Vick experience where he runs around and throws the ball to the imaginary target 20 yards behind the receiver. But at least he’s still good in Madden Madden NFL is now all that matters. Just remember Aug. 22. And if he throws for 200 yards, he will let all his 7,654 detractors know about it. 2006: 8-8
Tampa Bay Bucs – Trendy team of EHS in which they had a couple fans. Chris Simms tries to avoid the Gruden murderous face and the Phil Simms “I wasn’t gay in NFL Gameday 99 face.”
2006: 9-7
Carolina Panthers – This team will probably be in the Super Bowl. The reason why I don’t think it will happen because of DeShaun Foster. It’s nothing personal except for one thing.
DeShaun Foster probably cost me a chance at my fantasy league title last season.
By playing Foster and sitting Mike Anderson, Foster decided to not score any touchdowns that day while Anderson had 2. I lost the semifinal and any chance of a championship. Now that I’ve wasted your time, let’s go to the next team. 2006: 12-4
New Orleans Saints – Drew Brees is the new QB and the Superdome will be back soon enough. But remember the Saints are still the Saints and nothing will ever change that. OK, maybe a move to Los Angeles, but that’s it. 2006: 6-10
NFC North:
Minnesota Vikings: First off, the Vikings have new uniforms for the eye to be blinded by. Just think, the Vikings will be wearing PURPLE pants on the road this season. That’s a thought to shudder at. They at least have Brad Johnson, who graduated from the Drew Bledsoe School of mobility. Put a poison pill in that contract. 2006: 9-7
Chicago Bears – The only thing offensive about this team is their offense. Can Rex Grossman get it together and finish an entire season or will eternal QB stopgap Brian Griese be anointed the starter? 2006: 7-9
Detroit Lions – Everything about this team is terrible. When John “Bradshaw” Layfield is making cracks at your GM, you know you’re in trouble. 2006: 5-11
Green Bay Packers – Brett Favre is playing! Brett Favre is playing! Expect a lot of pick sixes. By the way, there should be bets when NBC gets flex scheduling, if Green Bay gets selected. I’d say it’s bloody likely. 2006: 6-10
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks – At least Seattle isn’t complaining about the officiating in the Super Bowl anymore. A lot of people are counting on Shawn Alexander to have a good year. Oh, and there aren’t any Seattle fans outside of Seattle. 2006: 11-5
Arizona Cardinals – Arizona moves into a retractable-roof stadium this season which might make the team win. But more than likely, it’ll cause “PNC park syndrome” where fans will go to the games just to see the new stadium. 2006: 7-9
St. Louis Rams – Everybody just forgot about this team, and its cast of aging veterans and Marc Bulger (OF) Central Catholic. Thank you NFL primetime. You will be missed. 2006: 9-7
San Francisco 49ers – Saving the worst for last. Mr. Small Hands, Alex Smith, will try to throw a TD pass this season to his own team. Good luck. If you want a good version of the team, play Madden 97, not Madden 07. 2006: 5-11.
Stay tuned for future articles including the best and worst TV games this season, and of course, the Reedman's completely biases fantasy football preview. It'll be good.
NFC East
Dallas Cowboys – The team everyone loves to hate except for certain people I knew in high school hahaha. With T.O. now in Dallas, will he now be eating Tuna or will he behave? And just look what will happen if T.O. doesn’t get the ball 13 times a game. I have my own theory. T.O. will bury Drew Bledsoe’s feet in cement so he can’t move around in the pocket….Wait that already happened? So that’s why Bledsoe can’t move around? Wow who would have thunk it? Over-Under on first Bledsoe/TO sideline blowup: Week 5. 2006: 10-6
Philly Eagles – Hey, McNabb’s finally not injured anymore! Too bad he doesn’t have something called receivers or a running game. They do have Brian Westbrook, but you have to run the ball for him to be effective. I also heard Hank Fraley may be getting cut soon. Way to go, RMU.
2006: 7-9
New York Giants: THE G MEN! Now it’s time to see if Eli Manning can break the family playoff curse after getting pasted and lambasted against Carolina. Let’s also see if Tom Coughlin will let the players do anything. At all. Having Coughlin as coach is like having Curren as your principal. Without the child porno. Whew. I think Jay Feely is back again too, don’t attempt any field goals. 2006: 9-7
Washington Redskins: What will Clinton Portis wear next? This trendy fantasy pick will do anything with his wardrobe for attention. Too bad the players at skill positions are older than dirt.
2006: 8-8
NFC South
Atlanta Falcons: Another year of the Vick experience where he runs around and throws the ball to the imaginary target 20 yards behind the receiver. But at least he’s still good in Madden Madden NFL is now all that matters. Just remember Aug. 22. And if he throws for 200 yards, he will let all his 7,654 detractors know about it. 2006: 8-8
Tampa Bay Bucs – Trendy team of EHS in which they had a couple fans. Chris Simms tries to avoid the Gruden murderous face and the Phil Simms “I wasn’t gay in NFL Gameday 99 face.”
2006: 9-7
Carolina Panthers – This team will probably be in the Super Bowl. The reason why I don’t think it will happen because of DeShaun Foster. It’s nothing personal except for one thing.
DeShaun Foster probably cost me a chance at my fantasy league title last season.
By playing Foster and sitting Mike Anderson, Foster decided to not score any touchdowns that day while Anderson had 2. I lost the semifinal and any chance of a championship. Now that I’ve wasted your time, let’s go to the next team. 2006: 12-4
New Orleans Saints – Drew Brees is the new QB and the Superdome will be back soon enough. But remember the Saints are still the Saints and nothing will ever change that. OK, maybe a move to Los Angeles, but that’s it. 2006: 6-10
NFC North:
Minnesota Vikings: First off, the Vikings have new uniforms for the eye to be blinded by. Just think, the Vikings will be wearing PURPLE pants on the road this season. That’s a thought to shudder at. They at least have Brad Johnson, who graduated from the Drew Bledsoe School of mobility. Put a poison pill in that contract. 2006: 9-7
Chicago Bears – The only thing offensive about this team is their offense. Can Rex Grossman get it together and finish an entire season or will eternal QB stopgap Brian Griese be anointed the starter? 2006: 7-9
Detroit Lions – Everything about this team is terrible. When John “Bradshaw” Layfield is making cracks at your GM, you know you’re in trouble. 2006: 5-11
Green Bay Packers – Brett Favre is playing! Brett Favre is playing! Expect a lot of pick sixes. By the way, there should be bets when NBC gets flex scheduling, if Green Bay gets selected. I’d say it’s bloody likely. 2006: 6-10
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks – At least Seattle isn’t complaining about the officiating in the Super Bowl anymore. A lot of people are counting on Shawn Alexander to have a good year. Oh, and there aren’t any Seattle fans outside of Seattle. 2006: 11-5
Arizona Cardinals – Arizona moves into a retractable-roof stadium this season which might make the team win. But more than likely, it’ll cause “PNC park syndrome” where fans will go to the games just to see the new stadium. 2006: 7-9
St. Louis Rams – Everybody just forgot about this team, and its cast of aging veterans and Marc Bulger (OF) Central Catholic. Thank you NFL primetime. You will be missed. 2006: 9-7
San Francisco 49ers – Saving the worst for last. Mr. Small Hands, Alex Smith, will try to throw a TD pass this season to his own team. Good luck. If you want a good version of the team, play Madden 97, not Madden 07. 2006: 5-11.
Stay tuned for future articles including the best and worst TV games this season, and of course, the Reedman's completely biases fantasy football preview. It'll be good.
posted by Greg at
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