Know Your Preseason Cuts
Funny how unemployment works in the NFL. The scrub players get released before the season starts while the scrub coaches get released after the owners say "what were we thinking this year?" When September rolls around it's time to make more cuts than Emo.
Here are some notable 53 man roster cuts to report on:
Most Publicly-Known Cut: Forget the mid-season QB controversy in Jacksonville this year. QB Byron Leftwich will no longer be your starter for the Jaromir Jaguars (where the J is a Y). Leftwich was injured last year leading David Gerrard to step up and now become the new starting QB for the team from north Florida.
36 is still ok if you're a QB or a kicker: New York Jets cut Defensive Tackle and former Pittsburgh Steeler Kimo von Oelhoffen in a possible effort to reduce the cost of jersey lettering. Then again Kimo is 36 years old, and for a Defensive Tackle in the NFL that's pretty old. Defensive Tackles have the shelf life of milk in the sun. (Note: Kimo signed with the Eagles on Sunday.)
Topic for Discussion: Was he better as a Hurricane, a Brown, or a Jet?: New England Patriots told Vinny Testaverde to get the hell off their lawn as he was cut from the team. He was signed last season when New England lost a game and Tom Brady was injured with a hangnail.
And who says the preseason doesn't count: Cincy Bengals released veteran backup QB Doug Johnson following his horrendous and List-worthy preseason game against the Indy Colts. He threw 2 INTs in both of his possessions, good enough to get a job at Domino's Pizza. Should Carson *NBC Nightly News With Brian Williams* Palmer get injured, expect the Steelers to not even worry about eliminating them from the playoffs this year.
Whoever starts in Cleveland they'll want Dr. Quinn, Quarterback Woman: Ken Dorsey was shown the door in Cleveland as the QB controversy continues leading up to their season opener against the Steelers. Billed as a "valuable mentor" to potential injury victim Brady Quinn, The Master Gator falls into one of many discarded QBs not named Bradley Quinn in Cleveland this year.
Breaking News, Brian St. Pierre is still a Steeler: Notable cuts in Pittsburgh include RB Verron Haynes, which will give local rock station WDVE headaches because he recorded a commercial for them, and QB Bryan Randall causing the first chance in 9 seasons as a preseason QB that Brian St. Pierre might make the final roster. On a side note, DE Ryan McBean was released for having a name too similar to the mascot.
What's in a name: Defending Super Bowl Champion Indy Colts released WR Craphonso Thorpe. Worst. First name. Ever.
Tennessee Titans: No cute intros for this team, they are playing with fire and oxygen tanks. The most noted release is former 49ers starter and Lister Tim Rattay, currently leaving Vince Young with his backup/beer pong buddy Kerry Collins. Did anyone tell Vince that he's on the cover of Madden this year? Drink up, Kerry.
Double Word Score: San Diego Chargers released OT Cory Lekkerkerker(kerkerkerker). His only impact made this preseason was that his name scores 37 points in Scrabble.
Jokeland Raiders: They must've stopped by Wal-Mart today with some returns. Including Jamarcus Russell's holdout and injured reserve roster, the Raiders will only have 6 of 11 draft picks on the roster for opening day. Veteran fullback Zack Crockett was returned for store credit.
A Change of Career, Don't Quit Your Day Job: Philadelphia Eagles had a fun time with two athletes: Sav Rocca, a former Australian-rules football player, made the team as a punter due to his "big, big, big leg" and that's what she and General Manager Tom Heckert said. Former 2-time Olympic skier Jeremy Bloom didn't make the squad because football is not played on the side of a mountain. Olympic skiers have a hard time finding new careers. Bode Miller, anyone?
"Lions release Mr. Irrelevant": Sadly it's a bunch of people we don't know and not one of them is named Matt Millen.
Chad Johnson released: ...from the Minnesota Vikings. No, the CB Chad Johnson. Had your hopes up, didn't you?
We got more than 3: Tampa Bay Buccaneers keep QB Chris Simms as they'll start with 4 QBs this season along with starter Jeff Garcia, Bruce "Juice" Gradkowski, and Luke McUnknown.
Worst Year: This, or when they invented their Super Bowl dance?: Kicker Matt Prater was on the Atlanta Falcons roster for 48 hours and has never played in an NFL game. Billy "Bo Bob" Cundiff, former kicker for Dallas, lost his job to the new guy. The only worse cut decision larger than this was QB Bart Simpson over Nelson Mundz for the Pop Warner Springfield Wildcats. Joey Harrington still remains uninjured and a joke.
Best Pitt Panther QB not named Marino: Former Pittsburgh Panther QB Tyler Palko was released by the New Orleans Saints but still has a chance of being the third-string QB. His dismal performance in their final preseason game has Pitt Panther head coach Dave Wannsteadt going "THAT'S what I taught him?"
Act like you're good: J.D. Washington, son of actor Denzel Washington, was released from the St. Louis Rams on Friday. He'll be appearing on ESPN in the second season of "Playmakers" where he shoots Jamie Foxx at a nightclub.
(Source: NFL.com)
Here are some notable 53 man roster cuts to report on:
Most Publicly-Known Cut: Forget the mid-season QB controversy in Jacksonville this year. QB Byron Leftwich will no longer be your starter for the Jaromir Jaguars (where the J is a Y). Leftwich was injured last year leading David Gerrard to step up and now become the new starting QB for the team from north Florida.
36 is still ok if you're a QB or a kicker: New York Jets cut Defensive Tackle and former Pittsburgh Steeler Kimo von Oelhoffen in a possible effort to reduce the cost of jersey lettering. Then again Kimo is 36 years old, and for a Defensive Tackle in the NFL that's pretty old. Defensive Tackles have the shelf life of milk in the sun. (Note: Kimo signed with the Eagles on Sunday.)
Topic for Discussion: Was he better as a Hurricane, a Brown, or a Jet?: New England Patriots told Vinny Testaverde to get the hell off their lawn as he was cut from the team. He was signed last season when New England lost a game and Tom Brady was injured with a hangnail.
And who says the preseason doesn't count: Cincy Bengals released veteran backup QB Doug Johnson following his horrendous and List-worthy preseason game against the Indy Colts. He threw 2 INTs in both of his possessions, good enough to get a job at Domino's Pizza. Should Carson *NBC Nightly News With Brian Williams* Palmer get injured, expect the Steelers to not even worry about eliminating them from the playoffs this year.
Whoever starts in Cleveland they'll want Dr. Quinn, Quarterback Woman: Ken Dorsey was shown the door in Cleveland as the QB controversy continues leading up to their season opener against the Steelers. Billed as a "valuable mentor" to potential injury victim Brady Quinn, The Master Gator falls into one of many discarded QBs not named Bradley Quinn in Cleveland this year.
Breaking News, Brian St. Pierre is still a Steeler: Notable cuts in Pittsburgh include RB Verron Haynes, which will give local rock station WDVE headaches because he recorded a commercial for them, and QB Bryan Randall causing the first chance in 9 seasons as a preseason QB that Brian St. Pierre might make the final roster. On a side note, DE Ryan McBean was released for having a name too similar to the mascot.
What's in a name: Defending Super Bowl Champion Indy Colts released WR Craphonso Thorpe. Worst. First name. Ever.
Tennessee Titans: No cute intros for this team, they are playing with fire and oxygen tanks. The most noted release is former 49ers starter and Lister Tim Rattay, currently leaving Vince Young with his backup/beer pong buddy Kerry Collins. Did anyone tell Vince that he's on the cover of Madden this year? Drink up, Kerry.
Double Word Score: San Diego Chargers released OT Cory Lekkerkerker(kerkerkerker). His only impact made this preseason was that his name scores 37 points in Scrabble.
Jokeland Raiders: They must've stopped by Wal-Mart today with some returns. Including Jamarcus Russell's holdout and injured reserve roster, the Raiders will only have 6 of 11 draft picks on the roster for opening day. Veteran fullback Zack Crockett was returned for store credit.
A Change of Career, Don't Quit Your Day Job: Philadelphia Eagles had a fun time with two athletes: Sav Rocca, a former Australian-rules football player, made the team as a punter due to his "big, big, big leg" and that's what she and General Manager Tom Heckert said. Former 2-time Olympic skier Jeremy Bloom didn't make the squad because football is not played on the side of a mountain. Olympic skiers have a hard time finding new careers. Bode Miller, anyone?
"Lions release Mr. Irrelevant": Sadly it's a bunch of people we don't know and not one of them is named Matt Millen.
Chad Johnson released: ...from the Minnesota Vikings. No, the CB Chad Johnson. Had your hopes up, didn't you?
We got more than 3: Tampa Bay Buccaneers keep QB Chris Simms as they'll start with 4 QBs this season along with starter Jeff Garcia, Bruce "Juice" Gradkowski, and Luke McUnknown.
Worst Year: This, or when they invented their Super Bowl dance?: Kicker Matt Prater was on the Atlanta Falcons roster for 48 hours and has never played in an NFL game. Billy "Bo Bob" Cundiff, former kicker for Dallas, lost his job to the new guy. The only worse cut decision larger than this was QB Bart Simpson over Nelson Mundz for the Pop Warner Springfield Wildcats. Joey Harrington still remains uninjured and a joke.
Best Pitt Panther QB not named Marino: Former Pittsburgh Panther QB Tyler Palko was released by the New Orleans Saints but still has a chance of being the third-string QB. His dismal performance in their final preseason game has Pitt Panther head coach Dave Wannsteadt going "THAT'S what I taught him?"
Act like you're good: J.D. Washington, son of actor Denzel Washington, was released from the St. Louis Rams on Friday. He'll be appearing on ESPN in the second season of "Playmakers" where he shoots Jamie Foxx at a nightclub.
(Source: NFL.com)
posted by Gary at
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