2007 Pittsburgh Steelers Advisory System

In conjunction with the PA State Homeland Security Office and the Yinzer Nation, last year we adopted the Pittsburgh Steelers Advisory System in an effort to educate Steelers fans of the Monday Hangover over which level of threats currently faced the Steelers season. Based on last year's signs, the front office has increased security on the west border; no one from Ohio is allowed into Pennsylvania during football season.

Unlike last year when the budget was fledgling and the employment understaffed, we were not able to throughly go through each threat level in detail. This year, we are doing the opposite.

lights please.

LOW - Starting QB Ben Roethlisberger



Used when the Steelers are faceing a fairly easy opponent coming up such as Cleveland or any NFC team, Ben came off a great game, or the preseason.

GUARDED - Coach Mike Tomlin


Used when facing a fairly challenging team or any team not from Ohio with a winning record. The team is still in good shape, but this rating shows it will require work and phantom defensive pass interference calls to win this week.

ELEVATED - Backup QB Charlie Batch


Used when Ben is either injured or playing at a very inconsistent level, causing an outcry for the Steel Valley Superstar to be placed into the game.

HIGH - Brian Jackson


This one is a very obscure reference. Brian Jackson was arrested and jailed for identity theft for impersonating long-time Steelers preseason QB Brian St. Pierre in an effort to get money and dates from women. When you have fans impersonating the 5th string QB in an effort to score hotties and bodies, then you know there's problems in the season. Not all is lost, but it will take some Bengals losses and major turnarounds for them to get the season back in order.

SEVERE - Steelers Mascot Steely McBeam


With this rating the season is dead in the water and we're playing for draft picks. Much like the actual mascot, the decisions made up before this rating would be applied seemed like a good idea at the time. Instead it leads to revolts, Iron City beer can projectiles, bloggers like me going on frantic wordy rants trying to sound expertish, and...no really I hate that damn mascot. F*** Steely.

The rating will be adjusted from time to time before each week at the right. We thank you for your awareness.