Week 16 AFC Recap
By Gary Ashley
AFC Correspondent/Frequent Flyer
Baltimore at Pittsburgh - At this point we can look back at the Steelers season and have many causes for their lack of playoff contention this season. Personally, I blame it on those pink and white #7 Steelers jerseys that the girls wear. I know the marketing department was trying to appeal to the whole "Breast Cancer Survivor" demographic, but your girlfriend looks hot enough in a regular Steelers jersey as it is. Before I go too far off on a tangent, Baltimore came into Pittsburgh today and crushed any beliefs and aspirations of a repeat Super Bowl. Ben was apperently wearing the Pink #7 jersey getting sacked 5 times, also throwing for 156 yds, 2 INTs, and a lone TD to Heath Miller. One other item of note is that Ben had 33 rushing yds, 4 more than starting running back Willie Parker. That Ron Mexico Offense plan sure is ineffective. Baltimore Birdies 31, Powder Puff Jerseys 7
Cincinnati at Denver - All Cincy had to do this week was beat Denver and they would be in the playoffs. Of course, cince (pun intended) we are talking about the Cincy Bungals, they had to go and lose this game in the most comedic of fashions. After scoring a TD with 41 seconds remaining, the Bengals proceeded to miff the tying extra point with a wide right missnap. They proceeded to be called offside on the ensuing onside kick, thus adding this game to the NFL Benny Hill Reel. Denver forced 4 turnovers: 2 INTs by Carson *Late Late Show with that Scottish Guy* Palmer and 2 fumbles by Johnson & Johnson, Rudi and Chad respectively. Bengals MUST beat the Steelers next week to have some chance at the playoffs. That simply might happen, pink jerseys withstanding. Mile High Wild Card 24, Chucklenuts 23
NY Jets at Miami - Tony Kornheiser pulled a line from Clerks by saying "ahh I'm not even supposed to be here today!" But before I go any farther, tell me if you've read this before on this site: "____ started in his second NFL game this week for the ineffective Joey Harrington." Yep, the Lemon-scented Dolphins appeared on Christmas as Harrington was shipped to Cuba throwing 7/15 for 42 yds. Zero scoring occured in the first half, no doubt making your entire family fall asleep after setting up that huge-ass race track for your kids on Christmas morning. The only highlight of the first half was Joe Theismann picking his nose on camera. Fortunately some minimal scoring occured in the second half putting this game to a thankful end. Cleo Lemon makes his third NFL game next week for the ineffective Joey Harrington. Kissing Suzy Kolber 13, Avoiding Andrea Kramer 10
THE LIST
(of players to make New Year's Resolutions on other teams next season)
1) Greg Reedy - Lost 51-0 in Tecmo Bowl as Seattle (#5 worst team) against Gary as New England (#1 worst team) on Saturday - Now only if this game had been recorded.
2) Andy Walter - 27/37 for 226 yds, 2 INTs, 2 lost fumbles - Oakland scored its first points in primetime this season on Thursday. With field goals.
3) Derek Anderson - 10/27 for 123 yds, 4 INTs - YOUR NEW CLEVELAND BROWNS FRANCHISE QB.
4) Ron Mexico - 9/20 for 109 yds, 2 INTs, 32 rushing yds - Ron pulls a boner in this game and his brother gets a groin injury. giggity giggity.
5) Mike Saddlebag - 17/37 for 189 yds, 2 INTs - They keep playing like this, they might not make it to Super Bowl SumXLI and get beat there again.
AFC Correspondent/Frequent Flyer
Baltimore at Pittsburgh - At this point we can look back at the Steelers season and have many causes for their lack of playoff contention this season. Personally, I blame it on those pink and white #7 Steelers jerseys that the girls wear. I know the marketing department was trying to appeal to the whole "Breast Cancer Survivor" demographic, but your girlfriend looks hot enough in a regular Steelers jersey as it is. Before I go too far off on a tangent, Baltimore came into Pittsburgh today and crushed any beliefs and aspirations of a repeat Super Bowl. Ben was apperently wearing the Pink #7 jersey getting sacked 5 times, also throwing for 156 yds, 2 INTs, and a lone TD to Heath Miller. One other item of note is that Ben had 33 rushing yds, 4 more than starting running back Willie Parker. That Ron Mexico Offense plan sure is ineffective. Baltimore Birdies 31, Powder Puff Jerseys 7
Cincinnati at Denver - All Cincy had to do this week was beat Denver and they would be in the playoffs. Of course, cince (pun intended) we are talking about the Cincy Bungals, they had to go and lose this game in the most comedic of fashions. After scoring a TD with 41 seconds remaining, the Bengals proceeded to miff the tying extra point with a wide right missnap. They proceeded to be called offside on the ensuing onside kick, thus adding this game to the NFL Benny Hill Reel. Denver forced 4 turnovers: 2 INTs by Carson *Late Late Show with that Scottish Guy* Palmer and 2 fumbles by Johnson & Johnson, Rudi and Chad respectively. Bengals MUST beat the Steelers next week to have some chance at the playoffs. That simply might happen, pink jerseys withstanding. Mile High Wild Card 24, Chucklenuts 23
NY Jets at Miami - Tony Kornheiser pulled a line from Clerks by saying "ahh I'm not even supposed to be here today!" But before I go any farther, tell me if you've read this before on this site: "____ started in his second NFL game this week for the ineffective Joey Harrington." Yep, the Lemon-scented Dolphins appeared on Christmas as Harrington was shipped to Cuba throwing 7/15 for 42 yds. Zero scoring occured in the first half, no doubt making your entire family fall asleep after setting up that huge-ass race track for your kids on Christmas morning. The only highlight of the first half was Joe Theismann picking his nose on camera. Fortunately some minimal scoring occured in the second half putting this game to a thankful end. Cleo Lemon makes his third NFL game next week for the ineffective Joey Harrington. Kissing Suzy Kolber 13, Avoiding Andrea Kramer 10
THE LIST
(of players to make New Year's Resolutions on other teams next season)
1) Greg Reedy - Lost 51-0 in Tecmo Bowl as Seattle (#5 worst team) against Gary as New England (#1 worst team) on Saturday - Now only if this game had been recorded.
2) Andy Walter - 27/37 for 226 yds, 2 INTs, 2 lost fumbles - Oakland scored its first points in primetime this season on Thursday. With field goals.
3) Derek Anderson - 10/27 for 123 yds, 4 INTs - YOUR NEW CLEVELAND BROWNS FRANCHISE QB.
4) Ron Mexico - 9/20 for 109 yds, 2 INTs, 32 rushing yds - Ron pulls a boner in this game and his brother gets a groin injury. giggity giggity.
5) Mike Saddlebag - 17/37 for 189 yds, 2 INTs - They keep playing like this, they might not make it to Super Bowl SumXLI and get beat there again.
posted by Gary at
5:58 AM
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