Week 13 AFC Recap
By Gary Ashley
AFC Correspondent/One Degree of Kevin Bacon
It was indeed a heartattack of a week as four games ended in game-winning field goals. Meanwhile Mike Crackerjagt is gonna get drunk and talk crap on the Cowboys. Games!
Houston at Oakland - Two teams with predictable losing records, only Houston has vanished from the moron wire started on draft day. The stats on both QBs were miserable as apperently David Carr came down with leprosey in the 2nd quarter and could not throw the ball the entire game. The same could be said to Raiders QB Aaron Brooks, but without the leprosey. Houston scores 3 FGs in the 4th quarter and 2 TDs as Oakland gets one step closer to April. The Fumblin Stumblins 23, Art Shell's Former Employer 14
Detroit at New England - And in the other team vyeing for the Heisman player to either be a bust, trade, or franchiser, Detroit maintained pace with Oakland by being blinded with SIence. Kitna's 3 INTs and 1 Fumble almost put him on The List this week, but the lone passing TD made for a simple honorable mention. Patriots Cory Dillon had 3 TDs and 26 yds rushing, no doubt advancing your fantasy team one step closer to money. New England can clinch the division next week if they win and all other 29 teams in the NFL lose, according to Sports Illustrated. Tom Brady's Wife 28, Matt Millen's Mustache 21
Seattle at Denver - I did not have a problem with the new referee uniforms up until I saw this game on television. The refs were clad in track pants, 20 extra pounds of down feather coating, and made them all look like walking, talking, penalty calling bean bag chairs. Just what your dorm needs for next semester: an elderly beanbag. Jason Elam attempted a fake field goal only to wind up injured but with 2 yds rushing. Kickers are a lot like mail order car parts: They break at the worst possible time and you're left waiting until a new one comes in. Josh Brown's 50 yd field goal sealed the win like tupperware, and Jay Cutler made his NFL debut going 10/21 for 143 yds, 2 TDs and 2 INTs. Jake Plummer broke a dashboard hula girl. 12th Man, I mean "11th Men and 1 friend" 23, Mile High Beanbags 20
THE LIST
(of QBs to be trampled during holiday shopping)
1) Brad Johnson - 11/26 for 73 yds, 4 INTs, benched - Only this time, there's no Randy Moss speaking out to the media on how much he sucks
2) Rex Grossman - 6/19 for 34 yds, 3 INTs, amazingly won - Defense wins football games.
3) Bruce Gradkowski - 20/34 for 175 yds, 3 INTs - Gruden gave him a last minute meaningless field goal in Pittsburgh. Jon Gruden is a f***in pansy.
4) David Carr - 7/14 for 32 yds, 2 lost fumbles - It's ok, it was against Oakland.
5) Aaron Brooks - 25/42 for 238 yds, 2 INTs - It's ok, it was against Houston.
AFC Correspondent/One Degree of Kevin Bacon
It was indeed a heartattack of a week as four games ended in game-winning field goals. Meanwhile Mike Crackerjagt is gonna get drunk and talk crap on the Cowboys. Games!
Houston at Oakland - Two teams with predictable losing records, only Houston has vanished from the moron wire started on draft day. The stats on both QBs were miserable as apperently David Carr came down with leprosey in the 2nd quarter and could not throw the ball the entire game. The same could be said to Raiders QB Aaron Brooks, but without the leprosey. Houston scores 3 FGs in the 4th quarter and 2 TDs as Oakland gets one step closer to April. The Fumblin Stumblins 23, Art Shell's Former Employer 14
Detroit at New England - And in the other team vyeing for the Heisman player to either be a bust, trade, or franchiser, Detroit maintained pace with Oakland by being blinded with SIence. Kitna's 3 INTs and 1 Fumble almost put him on The List this week, but the lone passing TD made for a simple honorable mention. Patriots Cory Dillon had 3 TDs and 26 yds rushing, no doubt advancing your fantasy team one step closer to money. New England can clinch the division next week if they win and all other 29 teams in the NFL lose, according to Sports Illustrated. Tom Brady's Wife 28, Matt Millen's Mustache 21
Seattle at Denver - I did not have a problem with the new referee uniforms up until I saw this game on television. The refs were clad in track pants, 20 extra pounds of down feather coating, and made them all look like walking, talking, penalty calling bean bag chairs. Just what your dorm needs for next semester: an elderly beanbag. Jason Elam attempted a fake field goal only to wind up injured but with 2 yds rushing. Kickers are a lot like mail order car parts: They break at the worst possible time and you're left waiting until a new one comes in. Josh Brown's 50 yd field goal sealed the win like tupperware, and Jay Cutler made his NFL debut going 10/21 for 143 yds, 2 TDs and 2 INTs. Jake Plummer broke a dashboard hula girl. 12th Man, I mean "11th Men and 1 friend" 23, Mile High Beanbags 20
THE LIST
(of QBs to be trampled during holiday shopping)
1) Brad Johnson - 11/26 for 73 yds, 4 INTs, benched - Only this time, there's no Randy Moss speaking out to the media on how much he sucks
2) Rex Grossman - 6/19 for 34 yds, 3 INTs, amazingly won - Defense wins football games.
3) Bruce Gradkowski - 20/34 for 175 yds, 3 INTs - Gruden gave him a last minute meaningless field goal in Pittsburgh. Jon Gruden is a f***in pansy.
4) David Carr - 7/14 for 32 yds, 2 lost fumbles - It's ok, it was against Oakland.
5) Aaron Brooks - 25/42 for 238 yds, 2 INTs - It's ok, it was against Houston.
posted by Gary at
8:42 PM
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