Week 1 AFC Recap

Gary Ashley
Some Blogger

Pittsburgh vs. Cleveland - When this game is replayed in the annuls of NFL Films, the soundtrack will not be with a flourish of trumpets, the thunder of tympanies, nor the story-driving lead of strings. It will instead be the Yakkity Sax. Cleveland, the only city not to host or appear in a Super Bowl to date, saw their fans chant "Rudy" while the team got (Charlie) Fryed. Ben Rothlisberger played like the Ben of two years ago going 12/23 for 161 yards, 4 TDs and a win for your fantasy team this week. Frye was replaced halfway through the second half as Cleveland still thought it was a preseason game. Backup Browns QB Derek Anderson finished 13/28 for 184 yards, 1 TD and 1 INT guaranteeing him the starting position. Courageous Brady Quinn courageously drank Gatorade and wore a courageous ball cap. The Steelers first 3 possessions were within the Cleveland 25 yard line, one of them caused by a muffed punt that drew 4 offensive fouls against the Browns. Steelers now hold the all-time lead in the rivalry against the Browns as Springfield regains the lemon tree. YOUR FINAL: Springfield 34 (56-55), Shelbyville 7 (55-56)

Detroit vs. Oakland - This game was to prove who had the better draft day and whether or not drafting a wide receiver was a wise choice. JaMarcus Chaching Russell is still holding out for Oakland, so they hired Dante Culpepper. Dante apperently got lost in the airport and is replaced by...Josh McCown? Wait, he's on the team? Detroit QB Jon Kitna went 27/36 for 289 yards, 3 TDs, and 2 INTs while Josh McUnknown matched similar stats with 30/40 for 313 yards, 2 TDs, and 2 INTs. Detroit signed #2 draft pick, the s*** pick, Calvin Johnson had 4 catches for 70 yards and 1 TD. Hobbes was there also but you didn't quite see him. Se-Bass Jani (the tougher and shorter name for Raiders kicker Sebastian Janikowski) won the NFL "You're Killing Me, Smalls!" award this week with 2 missed field goals and one blocked. Both teams next week will play actual NFL teams. YOUR FINAL: "On Pace For 5 Wins" 36, "Holding Out For a Hero and More Money" 21

Tennessee vs. Jacksonville - Vince Young has survived the Madden curse for one more week but his numbers did not. Jacksonville's defense gave him the stats of 11/18 for 78 yards and 1 INT. What Tennessee couldn't do in the air they did on the ground with Chris Brown rushing for 175 yards on 19 carries and Vince Young with 1 rushing TD. Kerry Collins made a brief appearance in the game late as he suited up to tackle a keg. Take that statement however you wish. Uncharismatic Jacksonville plays Joey "Blackest Man on the Planet" Harrington and Atlanta next week. YOUR FINAL: Homestar Runners 13, Find Us on a Map Miss South Carolina 10

and now, the place no NFL athlete wants to be at. Outside of Cleveland:

THE LIST
(of QBs that would've been better off starting Kelly Clarkson on opening day)

1) Charlie Frye (CLE) – 4/10, 34 yards, 1 INT, Sacked 5 times, Replaced halfway through the 2^nd quarter – Unlike the movies, “Rudy” chants go unanswered in Cleveland.

2) Joey Harrington (ATL) – 23/32, 199 yards, 2 INTs both returned for TDs – It is certainly going to be a long year in Atlanta when the starting QB rushes for less than 10 yards a game.

3) Drew Brees (NO) – 28/41, 192 yards, 2 INTs – Someone told him the game was on Sunday instead of Thursday.

4) Jason Campbell (WAS) – 12/21, 222 yards, 2 INTs – Alex when you can fill the category, I’ll take “Washington Redskins Franchise QBs” for $200.

5) JP Loserman (BUF) – 14/21, 97 yards, 1 INT – It is rumored that Jim Kelly will start next week in Pittsburgh.

Additional Note: Chad Pennington was injured in the 3^rd quarter of the Jets/Patriots game on Sunday. The New York Jets have been mathematically been eliminated from the playoffs.