Week 8 AFC Recap
Gary Ashley
Professional Crastinator
Armoured Wankbowl 2007 - New York Giants vs. Miami - Cheerios, good chaps, and welcome to the first ever Armoured Wankbowl between the New Yorkshire Gentlemen (or simply: GJEEEEE MEN!) and the team from the planet Florida. No not that one, THAT one. While a Tonga tribal war dance showdown before the game would have been downright awesome, we'll have to settle for Joey Porter dancing to Souja Boy. In conditions wetter than a Las Vegas cathouse (references like this that will never land Gary a job on ESPN or any evening news team), Somehow the Giants kept it on the ground running the ball for the team's lone try (TD). It should also be noted that former Giants kicker now Miami booter Jay Feely missed a field goal, no doubt bringing back old memories for his former employer. Both Dolphins and Giants get the bye next week, no doubt to stay there and bend it like Beckham's wife and have Miami sign the Loch Ness Monster. YOUR FINAL: New Yorkshire 13, Don Shula's Kick in the Crotch 10
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati - Meanwhile back on American soil, it was time once again this season for Ben Roethlisburger's owning of the state of Ohio. Ben is undefeated in the state of Ohio, that includes Cleveland and Cincy. The Hall of Fame Game does not count. Ben threw 19/26 for 230 yards, 2 TDs both to Hines Ward, and 1 INT while pricetags were assessed to Chad Johnson. Mark up mark up! Steelers head home for a Monday Night Snoozeball match against the Ravens in an attempt to stay undefeated against AFC North teams, while Cincy plays Buffalo next week. They'd be better off putting Johnny Fever in as QB. YOUR FINAL: Mike Tomlin is Dolemite 24, O-H-S#!T 13
Buffalo at NY Jets - You know when Rich Eisen says "Do you like punting? Boy have we got the highlights for you." in the NFL Network recap, you know you're in for a snoozer. Two teams with horrid QBs and a combined 12 punts in the game made you wish this game was in England also. J.P. Loserman, in for the injured Trent Edwards, connected on the game's lone TD to Lee Evans for the win. Chad Pennington (13/20 for 106 yards) was replaced late in the game by Kellen Clemens (now referred to as Kellogg's Corn Flakes), throwing a Listworthy 5/12 for 67 yards and 2 INTs. Take a look at this turd before I flush it. YOUR FINAL: 4 Games behind New England 13, Angry New York Sports Bloggers 3
THE LIST
Brian Griese (CHI) - 22/40 for 228 yards, 1 TD, 4 INTs - Remember when Kordell Stewart was a Chicago Bear? Yeah well I think he's the QB coach.
Kellogg's Corn Flakes (NYJ) - 5/12 for 67 yards, 2 INTs - The Cock on the Box, baby!
Jeff Garcia (TB) - 19/41 for 267 yards, 1 TD, 3 INTs (1 returned for TD) - Well at least it's not Chris Simms.
Matt Schaub (HOU) - 11/18 for 77 yards, 2 INTs (1 returned for TD), Injured - Stumped.
Jason Campbell (WAS) - 21/36 for 197 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT, 3 Lost Fumbles - He's low on The List cause it was against the Pats. We need a savior. Get Peyton Manning.
Professional Crastinator
Armoured Wankbowl 2007 - New York Giants vs. Miami - Cheerios, good chaps, and welcome to the first ever Armoured Wankbowl between the New Yorkshire Gentlemen (or simply: GJEEEEE MEN!) and the team from the planet Florida. No not that one, THAT one. While a Tonga tribal war dance showdown before the game would have been downright awesome, we'll have to settle for Joey Porter dancing to Souja Boy. In conditions wetter than a Las Vegas cathouse (references like this that will never land Gary a job on ESPN or any evening news team), Somehow the Giants kept it on the ground running the ball for the team's lone try (TD). It should also be noted that former Giants kicker now Miami booter Jay Feely missed a field goal, no doubt bringing back old memories for his former employer. Both Dolphins and Giants get the bye next week, no doubt to stay there and bend it like Beckham's wife and have Miami sign the Loch Ness Monster. YOUR FINAL: New Yorkshire 13, Don Shula's Kick in the Crotch 10
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati - Meanwhile back on American soil, it was time once again this season for Ben Roethlisburger's owning of the state of Ohio. Ben is undefeated in the state of Ohio, that includes Cleveland and Cincy. The Hall of Fame Game does not count. Ben threw 19/26 for 230 yards, 2 TDs both to Hines Ward, and 1 INT while pricetags were assessed to Chad Johnson. Mark up mark up! Steelers head home for a Monday Night Snoozeball match against the Ravens in an attempt to stay undefeated against AFC North teams, while Cincy plays Buffalo next week. They'd be better off putting Johnny Fever in as QB. YOUR FINAL: Mike Tomlin is Dolemite 24, O-H-S#!T 13
Buffalo at NY Jets - You know when Rich Eisen says "Do you like punting? Boy have we got the highlights for you." in the NFL Network recap, you know you're in for a snoozer. Two teams with horrid QBs and a combined 12 punts in the game made you wish this game was in England also. J.P. Loserman, in for the injured Trent Edwards, connected on the game's lone TD to Lee Evans for the win. Chad Pennington (13/20 for 106 yards) was replaced late in the game by Kellen Clemens (now referred to as Kellogg's Corn Flakes), throwing a Listworthy 5/12 for 67 yards and 2 INTs. Take a look at this turd before I flush it. YOUR FINAL: 4 Games behind New England 13, Angry New York Sports Bloggers 3
THE LIST
Brian Griese (CHI) - 22/40 for 228 yards, 1 TD, 4 INTs - Remember when Kordell Stewart was a Chicago Bear? Yeah well I think he's the QB coach.
Kellogg's Corn Flakes (NYJ) - 5/12 for 67 yards, 2 INTs - The Cock on the Box, baby!
Jeff Garcia (TB) - 19/41 for 267 yards, 1 TD, 3 INTs (1 returned for TD) - Well at least it's not Chris Simms.
Matt Schaub (HOU) - 11/18 for 77 yards, 2 INTs (1 returned for TD), Injured - Stumped.
Jason Campbell (WAS) - 21/36 for 197 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT, 3 Lost Fumbles - He's low on The List cause it was against the Pats. We need a savior. Get Peyton Manning.
posted by Gary at
7:09 PM
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