Week 2 AFC/NFC Recap
Gary Ashley
AFC Correspondent/Phil Simms Football Geneologist
Unlike doing simple picks newspaper or gambling website-style I tend to throw an added prediction into each AFC pick on the Hangover. Last week all the games were correct with the bonus picks going 2 for 3. This week in the NFL was all about showing your O face, as most QBs has about a much yardage figuratively than a Tiger Woods tee shot. Others, about as much yardage as kicking the golf ball. To the games, please!
The Cincinnati Petting Zoo vs. The Browns with that F#$(^!#* MORON IN THE FOAM RUBBER FRENCH FRY SUIT - Seriously, was he missing from the other parts of the Extra Lame Value Meal? CBS was gracious to grace him and the Aqua Teen Brown Stains many times throughout the televisation of this game. And now to a form of ridiculous that is not self-degreading. Earlier I stated that Chad Johnson in this game would get a TD and do the chicken dance. CALLED IT, and CALLED IT. My bookie owes me $40. 3 Bengals players left the game with injuries as the Browns did their role for softening them up for a real football team to beat them next week. It felt like Cleveland's offense had a case of blue balls: They get further down the field, and just when they're ready to score they end up pulling a boner (INT, punt, etc) and they're left angry and $50 less paid on dinner. It was like Romeo Crennel was pulling from the playbook of Gil the Used Car Salesman from The Simpsons. "Ahh Gil almost had that one I could feel it!" Palmer tossed 2 TDs and 2 INTs with 352 yards passing. Rudi Johnson had 145 yards rushing with 2 TDs. This is one of those "dad falls asleep on the couch in the 3rd quarter" games. Thankfully Cleveland added two 4th quarter TDs to prevent the first Phil Dawson 3 of the season. Cincy wins the family reunion sack race thanks to having teenagers on their team. Cincinnati 34, Cleveland 17
Manning's Media Commercials vs. The Great Wall of France - The latter describing the offensive offensive line (not a typo) for the Houston Texans. David Carr was sacked 4 times falling one short of the prediction. Then again both QBs had pretty stellar games. Manning went 26 for 38 with a fantasy football team crippling 400 yards and 3 TDs. If you ask me it felt like Manning was hung like his team name. Carr added three 4th quarter TDs and 219 yards passing going 22 for 26. One thing to add: 3 fumbles. You can't throw it if you can't keep it. Adam Vinateri added 3 FGs for a total of 13 solo points. Houston added another loss. Next week, the Carr gets wrecked. Don't tell mom or dad about it.
Indianapolis 43, Houston 24
The Brady Bunch vs. Sports Guy's New Boyfriend - Sports Guy from ESPN probably ended the relationship between him and Chad Pennington as I write this. Mr. Guy, friends with benefits never works. Anyone that proclaimed that Tom Brady had an off-week last week can start the cut and paste by having an off week this week. Brady went 15 for 29, 220 yards with 1 TD, 1 INT, and 1 Fumble. Had he kicked a field goal he would have hit the cycle. Chad Pennington put up equally-impressive numbers going 22 for 37, 306 yards with 2 TDs and an INT. The Patriots running game was the difference maker with 2 rushing TDs and 147 total yards. Patriots are back to being the Second Coming, and Tom Brady is still dating SportsIllusionrated. Sports Guy, I'd stay away from any love songs for a while until this breakup heals over. New England 24, NY Jets 17
Quarterbacks that deserve to be canned faster than Oscar the Grouch this week:
1) The Monday Hangover debut of Oakland's Andrew Walter: 10/27, 162 yds, 3 INTs
2) Ever considered going to law school, Chris Simms?: 28/53, 313 yds, 3 INTs
3) Kerry Collins is a drunken hobo and your new beer pong partner: 6/19, 57 yds, 2 INTs
4) Charlie Frye goes on this list for the Fry Guy costume: 20/33, 244 yds, 2 INTs
Greg Reedy
NFC Correspondent/Betting Man
The NFC was filled with lame games and blowouts. Here we go.
Detroit at Chicago – Roy Williams guaranteed a victory. He also forgot he played for a Detroit Lions team that loses more than any team really should. In the meantime, the Chicago Bears found some semblance of an offense before playing a real NFL team in Minnesota next week. Chicago 34, Detroit 7
Arizona at Seattle – Consistently disappointing game with a low level of excitement, especially for fantasy owners such as myself. Arizona may never beat Seattle in the history of life. Seattle has a good game next week. Seattle 21, Arizona 10
Washington at Dallas – What was the deal with Washington forgetting the offense. In other news, TO broke a finger and the Redskins still can’t score with their offense or anything else. In other news, Drew Bledsoe is a competent quarterback at least for another week. Mark Brunell, not so much. Dallas 27, Washington 10
Fantasy thrills and spills:
Thrills: If you had a quarterback named Manning or Tomlinson.
Spills: If you started anyone from Oakland, Tampa or Tennessee.
It looks like my team will take home a victory this week to even the record at 1-1. Good times.
AFC Correspondent/Phil Simms Football Geneologist
Unlike doing simple picks newspaper or gambling website-style I tend to throw an added prediction into each AFC pick on the Hangover. Last week all the games were correct with the bonus picks going 2 for 3. This week in the NFL was all about showing your O face, as most QBs has about a much yardage figuratively than a Tiger Woods tee shot. Others, about as much yardage as kicking the golf ball. To the games, please!
The Cincinnati Petting Zoo vs. The Browns with that F#$(^!#* MORON IN THE FOAM RUBBER FRENCH FRY SUIT - Seriously, was he missing from the other parts of the Extra Lame Value Meal? CBS was gracious to grace him and the Aqua Teen Brown Stains many times throughout the televisation of this game. And now to a form of ridiculous that is not self-degreading. Earlier I stated that Chad Johnson in this game would get a TD and do the chicken dance. CALLED IT, and CALLED IT. My bookie owes me $40. 3 Bengals players left the game with injuries as the Browns did their role for softening them up for a real football team to beat them next week. It felt like Cleveland's offense had a case of blue balls: They get further down the field, and just when they're ready to score they end up pulling a boner (INT, punt, etc) and they're left angry and $50 less paid on dinner. It was like Romeo Crennel was pulling from the playbook of Gil the Used Car Salesman from The Simpsons. "Ahh Gil almost had that one I could feel it!" Palmer tossed 2 TDs and 2 INTs with 352 yards passing. Rudi Johnson had 145 yards rushing with 2 TDs. This is one of those "dad falls asleep on the couch in the 3rd quarter" games. Thankfully Cleveland added two 4th quarter TDs to prevent the first Phil Dawson 3 of the season. Cincy wins the family reunion sack race thanks to having teenagers on their team. Cincinnati 34, Cleveland 17
Manning's Media Commercials vs. The Great Wall of France - The latter describing the offensive offensive line (not a typo) for the Houston Texans. David Carr was sacked 4 times falling one short of the prediction. Then again both QBs had pretty stellar games. Manning went 26 for 38 with a fantasy football team crippling 400 yards and 3 TDs. If you ask me it felt like Manning was hung like his team name. Carr added three 4th quarter TDs and 219 yards passing going 22 for 26. One thing to add: 3 fumbles. You can't throw it if you can't keep it. Adam Vinateri added 3 FGs for a total of 13 solo points. Houston added another loss. Next week, the Carr gets wrecked. Don't tell mom or dad about it.
Indianapolis 43, Houston 24
The Brady Bunch vs. Sports Guy's New Boyfriend - Sports Guy from ESPN probably ended the relationship between him and Chad Pennington as I write this. Mr. Guy, friends with benefits never works. Anyone that proclaimed that Tom Brady had an off-week last week can start the cut and paste by having an off week this week. Brady went 15 for 29, 220 yards with 1 TD, 1 INT, and 1 Fumble. Had he kicked a field goal he would have hit the cycle. Chad Pennington put up equally-impressive numbers going 22 for 37, 306 yards with 2 TDs and an INT. The Patriots running game was the difference maker with 2 rushing TDs and 147 total yards. Patriots are back to being the Second Coming, and Tom Brady is still dating SportsIllusionrated. Sports Guy, I'd stay away from any love songs for a while until this breakup heals over. New England 24, NY Jets 17
Quarterbacks that deserve to be canned faster than Oscar the Grouch this week:
1) The Monday Hangover debut of Oakland's Andrew Walter: 10/27, 162 yds, 3 INTs
2) Ever considered going to law school, Chris Simms?: 28/53, 313 yds, 3 INTs
3) Kerry Collins is a drunken hobo and your new beer pong partner: 6/19, 57 yds, 2 INTs
4) Charlie Frye goes on this list for the Fry Guy costume: 20/33, 244 yds, 2 INTs
Greg Reedy
NFC Correspondent/Betting Man
The NFC was filled with lame games and blowouts. Here we go.
Detroit at Chicago – Roy Williams guaranteed a victory. He also forgot he played for a Detroit Lions team that loses more than any team really should. In the meantime, the Chicago Bears found some semblance of an offense before playing a real NFL team in Minnesota next week. Chicago 34, Detroit 7
Arizona at Seattle – Consistently disappointing game with a low level of excitement, especially for fantasy owners such as myself. Arizona may never beat Seattle in the history of life. Seattle has a good game next week. Seattle 21, Arizona 10
Washington at Dallas – What was the deal with Washington forgetting the offense. In other news, TO broke a finger and the Redskins still can’t score with their offense or anything else. In other news, Drew Bledsoe is a competent quarterback at least for another week. Mark Brunell, not so much. Dallas 27, Washington 10
Fantasy thrills and spills:
Thrills: If you had a quarterback named Manning or Tomlinson.
Spills: If you started anyone from Oakland, Tampa or Tennessee.
It looks like my team will take home a victory this week to even the record at 1-1. Good times.
posted by Gary at
9:42 PM
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