Week 12 NFC Recap

By Greg Reedy
NFC Correspondent/I gave the turkey to the dog

Thanksgiving has come and gone but the NFL Network lingers on with Thursday night football. Now with Bryant Gumbel boring us all and Cris Collinsworth criticizing us all! But alas, none of those game will make the cut. What a shame. Here's what week 12 looked like.

San Francisco at St. Louis - The 49ers had a chance to win in this game of two mediocre teams. Just like in 2000, someone in Gore had a big day, probably should have won, but lost in the final minute. St. Louis Yams 20, San Francisco forty-noodles 17

New Orleans at Atlanta - Mike Vick showed his charity to the Atlanta fans by giving them not one but two birds on this Thanksgiving weekend. Then he gave $10,000 to everyone's favorite charity, the NFL. Meanwhile, a football game was played here and the Saints promptly scored on a Hail Mary which atones for 7 years ago, when the Saints were beat by the Browns on a Hail Mary which prompted Don Criqui to scream at the top of his lungs, "THE CLEVELAND BROWNS HAVE WON THE GAME!" New Orleans Saint Stuffings 31, Atlanta Dirty Birds 13

Green Bay at Seattle - Yuk. That's about the only appropriate way to describe this cure for insomnia. Fortunately, I had to work and missed the game but I shouldn't criticize Seattle because since 3 of my guys were from Seattle this week, I went and won this week. Seattle Para-Medics 34, Green Bay Favres 24

Fantasy Thrills and Spills:
Thrills: Tony Romo, obviously.
Spills: Rex Grossman didn't even start in my league. Unfortunately, he did start for the Bears.

Random slabs of Cranberry Sauce: Mike Vanderjagt was cut by the Cowboys for a guy that got beat out by a rookie in New England during training camp. This prompted Gary at the time to yell "MIKE VANDERJAGT GOT CUT FOR MARTIN GRAMATICA!" At the time, I laughed. Little did I know he had ESP-N. The fantasy team won to finish the regular season at 8-4. I'm the No. 3 seed in the playoffs which start this week. Let's see how it goes.

Week 12 AFC Recap

By Gary Ashley
AFC Coorespondent/Angry Shopper Bowler Over

Pittsburgh at Baltimore - It can be officially said that the Steelers season has gone the way of the toilet and are now fighting for draft picks and to avoid placing worse than the Browns. With all the preseason "the games don't count", the wacky scheduling, the injuries, and all the other problems with the Steelers have sports writers going nuts in the 'Burgh. I told ya so. The Steelers' problems were shown in full force as QB Ben Rothlisberger went 21/41 for 214 yds and 2 INTs, and sacked more times (nine to be exact) than a fratboy teabag prank. The Ravens blank the Steelers and keep the steak against them alive. Quote Me 27, Put St. Pierre In 0

Cincinnati at Cleveland - The Christmas family reunion was back in full swing and this time Cleveland found a way to play worse than the Steelers. Cleveland QB Charlie Frye went 18/29 for 186 yds and 4 INTs, no doubt going to be a backup for another team next season and put an end to all this foam-rubber Frye man stupidity in the stands. Cincy QB Carson *SNL Theme Song* Palmer is probably going to buy all of his receivers Rolex watches as WR Chris Henry was the winner this week with 2 TD catches. The AFC North has a mass bi-polar disorder this week with half the division getting blanked. Cleveland Browns, the rebuilding is over. 2nd place in the AFC North 30, Losers of the AFC North 0

Chicago at New England - Almost a perfect 3 for 3 on picks this week until that damn Tom Brady decided to not have a sick day. Well, more like half a sick day as he went 22/33 for 269 yds, 1 TD and 2 INTs. Rex Grossman is still flashing back to that game with the Cardinals in an effort to recreate the ugly win and the hilarity that ensued afterwards. But sadly, the Patriots are not the Cardinals or coached by Dennis Green; and if they were, they'd be using the old minuteman uniforms. Grossman threw 15/34 for 176 yds and 3 INTs. Makes you wonder if they can win the big one. New higher ranking in the SI Power Poll 17, -#24 on the SI Power Poll 13

THE LIST
(of QBs that got trampled while Christmas shopping)

1) The entire Steelers offensive line - allowed 9 sacks - This is the last Steelers game I cover. I'm switching to the Penguins.

2) Charlie Frye - 18/29 for 186 yds, 4 INTs - I bet he ends up as a third stringer on another team next year.

3) Rex Grossman - 15/34 for 176 yds, 3 INTs - Anyone that bet on Chicago being undefeated or dominating should be kicked right now for this week.

4) Bruce Gradkowski - 10/20 for 120 yds, 2 INTs - Thanks for making me fall asleep on Thanksgiving.

THE RACE FOR THE HEISMAN (or #1 Draft Pick)

Detroit Lions, Arizona Cardinals, and Oakland Raiders all at 2-9

Monday Hangover Radio Show - Episode #12

On this week's rebound fortnight edition of the Monday Hangover Radio Show:

1) Audio recaps of the Thanksgiving Games
2) NFL FineTime
3) The Return of the Drunken Bastard of the Week
4) AFC/NFC Game Selections

Episode #12 - Monday Hangover Radio Show (18:54)

Comments? Questions? Complaints? Post a comment!

Quick Picks From the Show

Gary Says: Baltimore over Pittsburgh, Cincinnati over Cleveland, and Chicago over New England
Reedy Says: St. Louis over San Francisco, New Orleans over Atlanta, Seattle over Green Bay (MNF)

AFC Week 11 Recap with Jelly-filled goodness

By Gary Ashley
AFC Coorespondent/Professional Crastinator

This week in the NFL saw the end of the three longest streaks in the NFL: The Colt's winning streak, Arizona's losing streak, and Andy Walter's underpants. To the games!

Pittsburgh at Cleveland - If this game were held earlier in the season the Steelers would've probably taken sole posession of 3rd place in the AFC North by more than 2 games. Ben Rothlisberger almost got Listed this game with 25/44 for 272 yds, 2 TDs and 3 INTs (1 returned for a TD), but came out on a size-12 bowling-shoe ugly game with a win. Cleveland slipped this game to them because they are contractually obligated to lose with less than 5 games remaining in the season, much like the Indians. For their credit though Cleveland scored TDs on defense and special teams, both of which win football games. No actually, having more points does. Steelers widen the rivalry win-loss margin and go on a 2-game winning streak. Springfield 24, Shelbyville 20

Oakland at Kansas City - This game featured the return of two injured starting QBs: Aaron Brooks from Interceptionitis, and Trent Green from "I got the living f*** knocked out of me" syndrome. Frequent List-er Andy Walter made a brief cameo appearance in the game throwing 2/3 for 15 yards while Oakland suffered key injuries on offense at left tackle and running back. Trent Green and KC had a rough start in first half trailing 13-7 but rallied back for the win. Oakland loses to San Diego next week. Trent Green 17, Chuckleheads 13

Chicago at NY Jets - From what I heard defense wins football games, not scoring more points than your opponent. This belief was used in a snoozer of a game in which Chicago blanked the Jets 10-0 for the second-lowest scoring game of the season, all points being scored in the second half. Wake your dad up for next week. Chad Pennington was back to his usual form throwing 19/35 for 162 yds and 2 INTs. Next week expect your dad to fall asleep at the game while freezing his butt off. DA Bears 10, Northeast Airlines 0

THE LIST
(of QBs sitting at the kids table)

Donovan McNabb (6/13 for 78 yds, 1 INT, Injured: 3rd time in 5 years McNabb is out for the season with at least 6 games remaining) - Expect more waiving from fantasy teams this week than the Queen of England in a parade.

Chad Pennington (19/35 for 162 yds, 2 INTs) - Last time I saw Chad play well was when he jammed with Blues Traveler on one of those MNF Halftime filler segments.

Both Packers QBs (Favre: 5/15 for 73 yds, injured and left game; Rodgers: 4/12 for 32 yds) - Expect John Madden to have a blooming onion crisis right now.

Andy Walter (2/3 for 15 yds) - Andy makes the list because his 3 passes were useless in their loss.

NFC Week 11 Review With Sprinkles!

By Greg Reedy
NFC Correspondent/glad to still have 2 functioning knees

I know, that was probably a little harsh towards your friend and mine, Donovan McNabb who tore his ACL and had his season ended. Normally, I'd indicate the fantasy implications, but the guy in my league that had him now has a record of 2-9 on the season. Now there's an ouch. Enough about ACLs. Time for the recaps.

New England at Green Bay - I'm pretty sure this is 2006 because this game looked like it was being played in 2005. Tom Brady had a great game and Brett Favre completed a pass to the guy in seat 17C, section 3, row 13. Favre also got hurt in this game but proving that he is indeed not a mansmack, he has already declared himself ready to throw 4 interceptions against Seattle next week. 2006 New England 35, 2005 Green Bay 0

Detroit at Arizona - This game was so unattractive on the schedule it made USA Today's "other games" list which should probably be called "if you near live these two locations, you will not see great football this week, because you need great players to watch great football. If you have regular players, then it's just regular football. And we all know that great football is the best kind of football." Thank you John Madden. Arizona wins this game, but I believe is still the worst team in the league. But the competition is heating up towards who will compete in Toilet Bowl 2006. Arizona Online Degrees 17, Detroit Guarantees 10

Indianapolis at Dallas - You may now cue the sound effect of popping champagne. The Cowboys at long last allow Bob Griese to get tipsy, Garo Yepremian to get balder and gives Larry Csonka a way to forget he was a co-host on American Gladiators. It also ends ESPN spending the whole week on PTI and SportsCenter talking about whether the Colts would go undefeated. Darn. But anyways, during the game Peyton Manning through an interception, Vanderjagt missed some field goals and the Colts lost. I'd swear it was January. Dallas Romos 21, Indianapolis Dolts 14

Fantasy thrills and spills:
Thrills: Chad Johnson (37 pts), Lee Evans (2 83 yard TDs), Drew Brees (510 yards and his team lost)
Spills: McNabb (1 pt, out for year) Favre (for getting shutout at home)

Random notes: The NFL let Mike Nolan wear a suit this week against the Seahawks. The 49ers won. The saying is true, dress for success. The fantasy team is well on its way to another loss this week. That puts the record to 7-4. Next week is the regular season finale before the big-money playoffs.(literally)

Monday Hangover Radio Show - Episode #11

On this week's rebound fortnight edition of the Monday Hangover Radio Show:

1) NFL FineTime
2) "Who Panicked?" with Jim Rome
3) commercials
4) AFC/NFC Game Selections

Episode #11 - Monday Hangover Radio Show (14:54)

Comments? Questions? Complaints? Post a comment!

Quick Picks From the Show

Gary Says: Pittsburgh over Cleveland, KC over Oakland, and Chicago over NY Jets
Reedy Says: New England over Green Bay, Detroit over Arizona, Indianapolis over Dallas

Week 10 NFC Recap

By Greg Reedy
NFC Correspondent/I am who I think I am

This week was pretty uneventful in the NFC. Let's do it.

Green Bay at Minnesota - The two oldest starting quarterback play each other in a game that probably made most go to sleep. Brett Favre still looks like he has it. Brad Johnson went to the Kent Graham school of mobility. Now that's sad. Old quarterback 23, Older quarterback 17

San Francisco at Detroit - Frank Gore has a big run in a game featuring two teams that are usually the punchline of our jokes. 49ers 19, Lions 13

Chicago at NY Giants - I have to give a pardon to the Chicago Bears. A few weeks the Bears cost me a fantasy matchup by playing so darn good against the Cardinals defensively. Well, this time the Bears' defense, by limiting Eli Manning to suck proportions allowed the Reedman to pick up the win this week to go to 7-3. Eli's not ready for prime time yet just like Peyton's not ready for the playoffs. Oh by the way, NBC announced the rest of Chicago's games are now on Sunday night. HAHA just kidding at least for now. Chicago 108-yard return Bears 38, The injured Giants 20.

Fantasy thrills and spills:
Thrills: LT (4 TD) Carson Palmer and Philip Rivers
Spills: Eli Manning, Damon Huard, David Garrard

Week 10 AFC Recap

By Gary Ashley
AFC Correspondent/Busy man

Yes, we've hit the November lull here at the Hangover and with it comes the second half of the season waiting for playoffs to arrive. No picks this week since our records have been crap, so it's open forum time. To the games!

San Diego vs. Cincinnati - Word association time. I say "scoring lots of points but losing", you say "US Basketball team". San Diemus and Cincy combined for 90 total points on Sunday, awarding each fan a free extra value meal at McDonalds. Martyball felt more like Powerball as Philip Rivers passed for 3 TDs and LaDainian Tomlinson rushed for 4 TDs, no doubt securing a playoff birth for your fantasy team this week. The Bengals started with a 21-0 lead thanks to Johnson & Johnson & Johnson (Jeremi, Rudi, and Ocho respectively.) Still according to Tecmo Bowl rules, it comes down to who scores last. San Diemus takes the win, Bengals break the controller in frustration. Bo Jackson 49, Rest of Team 41

Buffalo at Indianapolis - The Colts saw what happened to da Bears last week losing to Miami. That wasn't going to happen because they are who they thought they were. Peyton Manning only had 1 TD added with 236 yards passing. A stifeled offense highlights by J.P. Loserman's massive stat line of 9/13 for 83 yards. Buffalo's only touchdown was a fumble recovery, the rest were field goals. Thankfully the Colts held on and once again tell the '76 Dolphins to suck it. THE UNDEFEATED COLTS 17, The soccer team 16

Kansas City at Miami - I bet your dad fell asleep watching this game. After the initial burst of offense from the Dolphins in the first half with 2 FGs and a Ronnie Brown rushing TD, that was all they needed holding off KC the rest of the game. After that, it felt like a bad round of Sunday afternoon movies on the weeks where no athletic competitions are being held, such as transition weeks during sports seasons and figure skating. Harrington may have been born a Lion, but then again they found ways to win every so often. South Florida Legend Killers 13, KC Snoozefest 10

THE LIST
(Of QBs not going to Hawaii this week)

David Gerrard - 15/34 for 214 yds, 4 INTs - QB controversy is over in Jacksonville.

Eli Manning - 14/32 for 121 yds, 2 INTs, 1 lost Fumble - The newest enshriner of the Drunk QB Hall of Fame played like one on Sunday.

Andy Walter - 18/33 for 214 yds, 2 lost Fumbles - Elway never fumbled the ball on his winning drives.

Mark Brunell - 16/31 for 132 yds, 1 INT - It's about that time in the season where Washington grabs a hold of its own throats and barely makes the playoffs.

J.P. Loserman - 9/13 for 83 yds - Fantasy Team Poison. And you almost beat the Colts with these stats?

Week 9 AFC Recap

By Gary Ashley
AFC Correspondent/Comic Book Guy

WORST. FOOTBALL WEEK. EVER. Not only did I not get any picks right also, but I even held out on this column for one night to see if Andy Walter made The List. To the trainwreck!

Cincinnati at Baltimore - #1 rule of Week 9: If your team gives up 14 points in the first quarter, the game is over. Such was the case of the Cincinasty Bengals fumbling on the opening kickoff and the one posession later getting housed with an interception returned for a TD by the Ravens. As much as we tried to mention him, Ocho Cinco *Mariachi Music* received 4 catches for only 32 yds. After that quick burst of offense in the first quarter the Ravens stuttered on offense relying on the unreliables, aka 4 FGs. Baltimore takes first place of the AFC North while Pittsburgh wants a trade. 2000 Baltimore Ravens 26, 2000 Cincinnatti Bengals 20

Tennessee at Jacksonville - Was I high when I picked TN to win this game? Apperently so as they got lambasted by some football in Florida, according to ESPN. The band will not be in attendance this week for the Vince Young era as the band wagon flipped over and kareened off a cliff, going 15/36 for 163 yds, 1 TD, and 3 INTs. Jacksonville is in a bit of a QB controversey with David Gerrard and the injured Byron Leftwich, as Gerrard threw 3 TDs in their huge win. Wow, I wish someone would replace an injured QB for the Steelers. That Florida Team 37, Krunk Kerry Collins 7

Indianapolis at New England - Forgive me, Peyton, for I have sinned. This will be the very last week that I speak of "New England" and "winning" against the Colts this season. Fortunately Indy's defense graced me with the esteemed honor of putting Tom Brady on THE LIST for the first time this season! Tom Brady played more like Greg Brady out there as he went 20/35 for 201 yds and 4 INTs, two of them to Colts Linebacker Cato June. Peyton cashed in his Mastercard and got his TGI Friday's shirt autographed by the cook with 20/36 for 326 yds, 2 TDs and 1 INT. This also marks the 3rd straight game Peyton has thrown for more than 300 yards. In addition, he was not spotted this weekend drunk with an unnamed hottie sporting the classic drunk QB face unlike Brother Eli. Kerry Collins, well, it's Any Given (Sun)day for him. THE UNDEFEATED COLTS (SUCK IT 76 DOLPHINS!) 27, Tom Brady's Day Off 20

THE LIST
(of players to vote out of office Tuesday)

TOM BRADY - 20/35 for 201 yds, 4 INTs - This game was on NBC Sunday night, which means a LOT of people saw him mess up.

Vince Young - 15/36 for 163 yds, 1 TD, 3 INTs - Once he gets traded he'll be MVP worthy.

Rex Grossman - 18/42 for 210 yds, 1 TD, 3 INTs, 1 Fumble - Undefeated season ended by the friggin Dolphins. Had they played Arizona again they would have won.

Ben Rothlisberger - 38/54 for 433 yds, 1 TD, 3 INTs - Hey remember when Freddy Sanchez won the NL Batting Title for the Pirates this season?

Andrew Walter - 16/35 for 166 yds, Sacked 9 times by Seattle - Even on Monday nights you are not safe from The List.

Honorable Mention - Oakland Defensive End Tyler Brayton self-defense-class kneeing Seattle Tight End Jerramy Stevens in the nuts on Monday Night Football. Oakland has yet to score a single point on Monday night this entire season.

Week 9 NFC recap

By Greg Reedy
NFC Correspondent/Final Fantasy 12 non-owner

For the first time this season, the Reedman went 0-3 in his picks, a really sad fact considering what the games were.

Miami vs. Chicago - For whatever reason, Joey Harrington played like an NFL quarterback. Rex Grossman didn't. Behind an Arizona-like performance by Rex Grossman, the Dolphins not only won, but they ended Chicago's undefeated season, just like back in 1985. I'd tell other similarites between now and 1985 but I was only 1 in 1985. Just for perspective, Miami now has a 2-6 record on the season. Just like another team we all know and love. Miami Tuna Melts 31, Chicago Brown Bears 13.

Dallas at Washington - Arguably one of the best games of the day. It centered around T.O. making a catch and then pretending to fall asleep for a touchdown and a penalty followed up by literally falling asleep and dropping a pass that looked like it would be a touchdown. Kickers decided this one but since most kickers are inept, there were three game-winning attempts in the final minute and only one of them was made. Oh ya, Mike Vanderjagt missed another game-winning field goal. Kind of like January all over again. Washington "don't call us" Redskins 22, Dallas "Brokeback Mountain" Cowboys 19

Minnesota at San Francisco - There are a couple of these games every year. ALL FIELD GOALS. The only thing this time was the 49ers weren't playing the Cardinals, the game wasn't on ESPN and the game was in America. Fantasy owners who had Joe Nedney had a good day. Joe Nedney 9, Paul Edinger 3

Fantasy thrills and Spills:
Thrills: Larry Johnson and Tomlinson, Javon Walker
Spills: David Carr, Rex Grossman, Steelers D

Oh, by the way the fantasy team got smoked this week. Still 6-3 on the season.

AFC/NFC Week 9 Quick Picks

Programming note: due to technical difficulties (aka: a lot of unexplained echo and lack of sufficient NFL news) there will not be a Monday Hangover Radio Show this week. Our next episode will be November 18th. My apologizes for the late news. - Gary


Gary says: Cinncinatti over Baltimore, Tennessee over Jacksonville, New England over Indianapolis (Sunday Night)

Reedy says: Dallas over Washington, Chicago over Miami, Minnesota ("by a trillion") over San Francisco