Week 8 NFC recap

By Greg Reedy
NFC Smoker

Browns-Rams - The Rams worried me at the beginning as they were actually winning. Thankfully, the Rams came back to the form and the Browns came back to win! Steven Jackson got hurt again which is really disturbing. Browns 27, Rams 20

Eagles-Vikings - Brian Westbrook had a lot of touchdowns. Minnesota has some guy at quarterback from EHS I think. Kelly Holcomb got hurt, Brooks Bollinger came in and all of us wondered who they all were. McNabb is still pretty good. Eagles 23, Vikings 16

Lions-Bears - What happened to the Bears? Another team with another quarterback issue. Rex Grossman might still be starting soon and the Lions are 5-2. What the dilly-o? Let's see if it lasts. THe Bears are already cooked. Lions 16, Bears 7

Fantasy team is 2-5-1. YUK.

Monday Hangover Radio Show Season 2 - Episode #5

On this week's distraction-free (COUGH) edition of the Monday Hangover Radio Show:

1) Week 7 AFC and NFC Recaps and THE LIST
2) Preview of the "Armoured Wankbowl" in London
3) Changes to the NFL Draft
4) AFC/NFC Picks of the Week

Episode #5 - Monday Hangover Radio Show (22:01)

Comments? Questions? Complaints? Post a comment!

Week 6 AFC Recap

Gary Ashley
Pulling a Reedy

St. Louis at Baltimore - St. Louis has been undergoing more injury problems that the Three Stooges fixing a sink. This is more so amplified when rusty Gus Frerotte, former Saber/Golden Hurricane/Redskin/Lion/Bronco/Bengal/Viking/Dolphin...breathe...throws a Listmaking 5 INTs in one game. Truly a gym class all-star in this game. Even with all the freebies the Rams gave to the Ravens, Baltimore's offense led by Kyle Boller (18/30 for 184 yards, 1 INT), in for the injured Steve McNair (that's a surprise) combined for a pathetic 5 field goals to beat the hapless Ramalamahamdams. This game was bowling-shoe ugly. YOUR FINAL: Matt Stover 15 and Ravens 7, Jeff Wilkins 3

Miami at Cleveland - Turning to the other winless team in the AFC featuring the Mouth of the South Joey Porter, they busted out the long sleeves for the trip to Cleveland. Cleveland as of late has scored 30 points in the past few games, no doubt fueled by their Bernie Kozar Motivational Series tapes. On a complete side note, if I hear Rich Eisen say "Cleo Lemon has no quit!" one more time on the NFL.com recap I'm gonna snap him LT style. YEAH MOTHA*****!
Lemon made it a close one going 24/43 for 256 yards, 2 passing TDs, 2 rushing TDs, and 2 INTs while Cleveland's Derek Anderson throws 3 TDs for the win. Joey Porter has not recorded a single sack this year. You moved there cause of the weather. YOUR FINAL: Arena Bowl Brownies 41, Cleo Lemon has no quit 31

Oakland at San Diego - In a great amount of irony, this writeup will be live except on the West Coast. Fantasy football dorks across the nation will be happy as LaDainian Tomlinson rushed 24 times for 198 yards and 4 TDs for the big win. Norv Turner's job is safe for one week. In a brilliant fact provided by NFL.com, Oakland has lost the last 16 games against AFC West opponents. Duke sucks. They would be Super Bowl bound if they played Miami every single week. YOUR FINAL: Ron Burgundy 28, Wes Mantooth 14

THE LIST

1) Gus Frerotte (STL) - 19/36 for 208 yards, 5 INTs - We liked you better when you were with your other 6 previous employers.

2) Brett Favre (GB) - 19/37 for 188 yards, 2 INTs, breaks the all-time interceptions record with 278 - Congress will acknowledge this feat at the congressional water cooler. The game was stopped for 5 hours to show a blooper reel from There's Something About Mary.

3) Tim Rattay (ARI) - 12/24 for 159 yards, 3 INTs - Arizona, your QB shoe is running out of strings. I remember this guy from the prehistoric MH days.

4) Monday Night Football - Week 6 game lowest watched MNF game ever - Even with Jimmy Kimmel in the booth in the 3rd quarter, they should've learned from Dennis Miller and this blog that comedians and football don't mix.

5) Joey Harrington (ATL) - 18/39 for 209 yards, 1 INT - The last time Joey Harrington played this well on monday night was that god-awful halftime segment where he played piano with Blues Traveler.

Week 6 Picks

News and notes from this past week in the NFL:

Weekly NFL Fines – Jacksonville RB Maurice-Jones Drew was fined $7,500 for using the goalpost as an ATM for a TD celebration. Dallas safety Roy Jones was fined $15,000 for his second horse collar tackle of the year. Both proceeds go towards Roger Goodell’s “NFL Stars of the 1980s” Fabrege Egg collection. (ESPN and USA Today)

Worst Injury of the Year - "Minnesota Vikings defensive end Erasmus James was listed on Thursday's injury report with a shoulder injury, one day after reportedly getting into a fight with teammate Chester Taylor in the locker room." Had he kicked a laundry cart, the Pittsburgh Pirates bullpen would send sympathetics. (Yahoo Sports)

This Week’s Sign of the Crapocolypse – Carolina Panthers sign fourty-frickin-three year old Vinny Testaverde as a backup to David Carr, the current starter who is injured but replacing, Jake Delhomme, currently injured. Testaverde could fire up some of that magic he had when he played as a Hurricane/Buccaneer/Raven/Jet/Cowboy/Jet again/Patriot. Looks almost like Homer Simpson’s job history. (ESPN)

Ask them about their Weiner – Atlanta OT Todd Weiner, possibly surpassing Chris Weinke for funniest NFL player name, had knee surgery on Wednesday leaving Atlanta starting two rookie offensive linemen this week. From the Fark.com headline this was pulled from, this could be the first time a team scores negative points. (Fark.com, SI)

Week 6 AFC Picks

Gary Says: Baltimore over St. Louis, Cleveland over Miami, San Diego over Oakland

Reedy Says*: New England over Dallas, Arizona over Carolina, Seattle over New Orleans (SNF)

Week4 and 5 NFC grub

By Greg Reedy
Fantasy Guru somewhat

Let's get to the picks

Week 4:

Piitsburgh-Arizona - Amazingly enough, someone from the Michigan Wolverines did something good. Steve Breaston's return was key as Ken Whisenhunt showed why he should be a head coach. Arizona 21, Pittsburgh 14

Houston at Atlanta - How does Houston lose to the Falcons? A mystery to be explained later.

Green Bay at Minnesota - Favre sets the record, Madden cries, Al Michaels collects another paycheck. GB is 4-0 now.

Week 5

Arizona - St. Louis - As we've established, this game was blacked out in Missouri and apparenly FOX decided no one should want to watch this game either. Did anyone notice the cheap FSN graphics instead of the regular FOX graphics that the good games got? That should make the fans feel good. It also marked Kurt Warner's return which means Brenda Warner gets to cheer from her regular section in the Ed Jones Dome. Gus Frerotte (FROM FORD CITY) threw a bunch of touchdowns. But there were just as many to the other team. Oy. Kurt Warner's current team 34, Ford City/Central Catholic 31

Jets - Giants - The battle of New York got ugly when the Jets got a case of gangrene. Chad Pennington proved his arm strength is still rough (remember the Steelers almost drafted him) and the Giants might be decent this year. The Jets, see you next year. Giants 35, Jets 24

Ravens - 49ers - This game was so boring even Ian Eagle was having struggles finding things to scream about. Trent Dilfer had a chance to throw a touchdown then had a seizure celebrating. He realized this could be his only td of the season. The Ravens used the Arizona strategy of field goals all the time and it worked. Ravens 9, 49ers 7

The "We got 3" moment of the year

Even though this was an AFC game, I had to put this in. Last year, Tampa Bay kicked a meaningless field goal against the Steelers to avoid the shutout. This year, Kansas City threw a touchdown on the last play of the game to avoid a 17-0 defeat. The Chiefs lost 17-7. Herm Edwards, come on now.

Fantasy team is 2-2 and right now not looking too good for another win. Most of my running backs are injured. Not good.

Week 5 AFC Recap

Gary Ashley
The guy who called shenanigans

Seattle at Pittsburgh – FOX Television? Bring your tin foil. Joe Buck? Bring your shower radio with WDVE on the preset. 21 point shutout? Bring out your dead. The highly anticipated Super Bowl XL rematch was the final U in the STF_ puzzle from the Steeler Nation to the largest crybaby fan base since Jeff George. Thankful that they didn’t play against Ken Weaselnuts or any other ex-Steeler coach, Coach Tomlin and the usual ones came one first quarter TD away from a Quad-7. For those wondering, a Quad-7 is when you score 4 TDs, one in each quarter. It just looks cool on a scoreboard. Mike Saddlebag (or Matt Hasselbeck to non-eagle eye readers) threw 13/27 for 116 yards and 1 INT in what the NFL Network calls “horrendous.” Gene Shalet calls Najeh Davenport’s 7 carries for 58 yards and 2 TDs game “absolutely Najeh-ating!” Seattle finally gives up the argument and goes back to blogging on WiFi in the Heinz Field restrooms. Steelers have a bye next week, so now’s the time to get that deck finished you started when training camp began in July, yinzer. Courtesy flush and refresh your browser. YOUR FINAL: 75 Years of Kicking Your Ass 21, Bird Poop 0

Miami at Houston – Flashback to Week 1, 2006 Season: Trent Green leaves the game after getting damn-near crippled in a game with Kansas City. Flashforward to Week 5, 2007 Season: Trent Green leaves the game in a quantum leap effect where the former hits like a sonic boom and causes it again. Trent Green took a stiff knee to helmet much like the instructor of a woman’s self-defense class and lay motionless before being carted off. In comes the janit…I mean backup QB “Madam” Cleo Lemon, who was a late-season MH favorite for replacing former bum Joey Harrington. Fortune would have it that he goes 15/27 for 151 yards and 1 INT in a close loss to the Texans. Houston can share their pain, they used to be a horrible football team. In fact, the last time we saw this much football prowless in Houston was when the Oilers were around and Jeff Fisher wasn’t using Just for Men on the ‘stache. Both Miami’s Jay Feely and Houston’s Kris Brown combined for 9 total field goals, most of them from 50+ yards or more. It could have been a possible 10 but Miami Head Coach Cam Cameron (or Cam Cam for short) opted to call time and punt the ball, leading to Houston’s game winner. In other news, Joey Porter had 2.5 tackles and promised victory in Guitar Hero against his nephew. YOUR FINAL: Kid has the boot 22, Coach is getting the boot 19

San Diego at Denver – Aptly named the Pepto Bismol Upset of the Week as this game wrecked more havoc than a Chili Cheeseburger at Fran’s Diner. After scoring their first possession, San Diemus added one more on a house-taking fumble recovery 11 seconds later on the kickoff to Denver. Travis Henry must’ve been “burning leaves” and the entire team felt it. King Philip (Rivers) came over for great spaghetti throwing 13/18 for 270 yards, 2 TDs, and 1 rushing TD while Jay Cutler left with heartburn and 23/36 for 232 yards and 1 INT that Rich Eisen described as “the cornerback could have called for a fair catch.” Denver plays the Steelers in a fortnight. YOUR FINAL: Norv’s Cooking 41, Jason Elam 3

THE LIST
(of coaches that made decisions bad enough to be elected to a government position)

Bobby Petrino (Head Coach, ATL) – Titans commit 5 turnovers and win, pulled Joey Harrington (16/31 for 87 yards, 1 INT returned for TD) for Byron Leftwich (2/8 for 28 yards, 1 INT) in the 3^rd quarter, proceed to lose on the last series of downs at the 1 yard line – If I had the power, this entire team would be on the list this week.

Rod Marinelli (Head Coach, DET) – Monday Afternoon Live Press Conference – 1:13 mark: “How do you know what is a kick in the butt?” Ahh, NFL Coaches say the darndest things.

Cam Cam (Head Coach, MIA) – opts to pass on a 50+ field goal and punt the ball, Houston wins on a last minute field goal – This is the second straight week a Miami Dolphin that is not a QB has been on The List.

Fantasy Owners that Drafted Larry Johnson (Head Coach, Your Team) – 9 carries for 12 yards – You could have spent that pool money on food for the homeless.

Monday Hangover Radio Show Season 2 - Episode #4

On this week's almost 30 minute edition of the Monday Hangover Radio Show:

1) NFL Quarterly Reports on 5 AFC and NFC Teams
2) NFL Crimetime
3) The debut of "Website/Not a Website", NFL edition
4) AFC/NFC Picks of the Week

Episode #4 - Monday Hangover Radio Show (28:09)

Comments? Questions? Complaints? Post a comment!

Week 4 AFC Recap

Gary Ashley
The '72 Dolphins are laughing at me

Oakland at Miami – I’m sad to say it, but Joey Porter is now officially dead to me. After guaranteeing victory over Oakland I got suckered into his rhetoric and picked Miami over Oakland. As the scoreboard and first missed pick of the season would tell you, Joey Porter is a liar. Oakland QB Dante Culpepper returned to face the team he part-time played for last season and efficiently rumbled over them with 5/12 for 75 yards, 2 TDs passing and 7 for 28 yards and 3 TDs rushing. It should also be noted that Oakland RB Justin “Umaga” Fargas managed 179 yards rushing. Miami QB Trent Green wish he had legs like that throwing 14/25 for 158 yards, 1 TD and 2 INTs. As for Joey Porter? 3.5 tackles on the day. Oakland becomes an actual team at the 1/4^th mark while Miami becomes the new Oakland. YOUR FINAL: Dante Culpepper 35, Joey Porter’s Mouth 17

Denver at Indianapolis – Denver has the mile high air. Indy has the loud stadium. We can only play this at one location. Denver found either the mute or SAP button on the remote to the RCA Dome jumping out to a 14-0 halftime lead. The Colts, being competitive sandbaggers and all, jump right back into gear with 24 second half points for the win. Peyton Manning with an average game of 20/27 for 193 yards, 3 TDs passing, 1 TD rushing, and -4 yards rushing while mile-high club member Jay Cutler goes 13/21 for 131 yards, 1 TD passing, 1 TD rushing, and 1 INT. Colts play Tampa Bay next week possibly without Marvin Harrison or Joseph Addiddilydai, both injured in this game. YOUR FINAL: Injuries in the wrong places 38, More Home Games 20

Kansas City at San Diego – Priest Holmes versus LaDainian Tomlinson, the battle for fantasy football running back supremacy. Of course having a crappy coach for San Deimus doesn’t help the cause much for the entire frickin team. Norv Turner’s Oakland days came back in a wrong way as last season’s 15-1 Chargers are now this season’s 1-3 angry fan base. Expect the “Fire Norv Turner” domains to be popping up. YOUR FINAL: KC Masterpiece 30, San Diego Chicken 16

THE LIST
(of players to be shot out of a cannon if things get desparate)

Trent Dilfer (SF) - 12/33 for 128, 2 INT, 1 Fumble - Replacing Alex Smith after one pl...wait, you're still playing football?

Philip Rivers (SD) – 21/42 for 211 yards, 2 INT, 1 Fumble - When Norv Turner runs your team, it's a trickle effect.

Joey Porter (MIA) – Guaranteed a Miami win, Miami lost 35-17 - those kinda statements only happen with winning teams, douchebag.

Marc Bulger (STL) – 11/24 for 114 yards, 1 INT - It's bad when you get replaced by a guy who's played for 7 different NFL teams.

David Carr (CAR) – 19/41 for 155 yards, 1TD, 1 INT - First time he makes The List this season as a Panther. And diving for 1st down is worthy of a highlight, but totally illogical.